Don’t Panic (1988).

Directed by Ruben Galindo Jr.

Written by Ruben Galindo Jr.

Starring Jon Michael Bischof, Gabriela Hassel, Juan Ignacio Aranda, and Eduardo Noriega

NOTE: This is a Mexican film and it’s original title is Dimensiones Ocultas. It was released as Don’t Panic in the United States.

1. (The Plot)

Michael (who looks like the love child of Jan Michael Vincent and Richard Simmons) and his friends activate a Ouija Board that summons “Virgil”, some kind of devil. Now Michael is having visions of his friends being killed, and he’s the only one that can stop them…all while dressed in his big boy dinosaur pajamas.

2. (The Good)

As a horror movie, Don’t Panic is way more goofy than it is scary, but that’s part of the charm. The story is pretty standard horror fare - a demon is summoned and needs to be killed with a certain knife, but it’s not well thought out. There are no rules to the villain (here one second, gone the next, exists in dreams, exists in real life, etc.) but it’s always kind of entertaining when he shows up on screen. It’s basically one part Nightmare on Elm Street, one part Candyman.

Some of the gore effects are well done (specifically a knife through the jaw of one of the characters, thanks to Screaming Mad George), but most of the kills happen in a very PG-13 way, as characters faces writhe in pain, followed by blood hitting the ground. Hardly a puncture to be found, which is a shame, because the money shots we do see were well executed.

The whole movie is dumb fun. At one point, Michael says he’s having visions inside of his head, so his mother takes him to the optometrist. That’s what kind of film this is.

3. (The Bad)

Depending on the mood you’re in, I guess everything I think is good about the film could also be considered bad. The acting is poor, the English dubbing is hilariously bad, the plot is dumb, the PG-13 violence and the PG sex is kind of lame for a movie like this, and the special effects don’t hold up.

If there’s one thing I can hold against the film, it’s the English dubbed voice of Alexandra. It was like nails on a chalkboard.

There’s also a hilariously stupid ‘date montage’. Michael and Alexandra ditch school and act like complete tourists for some reason. We get to watch Michael stare at her slowly eating ice cream, and then once the date is over, they’re in love.

Michael’s birthday party was bad, consisting of a few sad balloons on the ground, a couple of cans of Coca-Cola, and at least one drunk friend.

4. (The Ugly)

I can’t write about Don’t Panic and leave out the ugliest thing in the film - the looks. How am I supposed to take Michael seriously when he’s a seventeen year old kid who wears colorful dinosaur jammies to bed? Tony’s got the “daytime Dracula” look, and Alexandra sports a simply masterful unibrow.

Honestly, the whole movie is sort of ugly. The cinematography is bland, the camera is lifeless. There’s nothing really special here.

5. (The End)

This is a film you’ve probably seen a million times before, just done a little better. There’s not a whole lot here for most people, but if you’re into goofy, badly dubbed movies that are more goofy than scary, there’s a bit to like here. I mean, seeing a grown man run around in that outfit might be worth the price of admission alone.

This is a Vinegar Syndrome release, so there are some extras worth digging into. You get:

“Possessed by Horror” - an interview with director Ruben Galindo Jr., and two commentary tracks - one with Ruben Galindo Jr. and one with The Hysteria Continues!

The packaging is all on point (of course it is, it’s Vinegar Syndrome!) and the movie looks really good for being from 1988.