Ghost Riders (1987).
“May your soul never rest.”
The Stage.
In 1888, a band of outlaws is sentenced to death by hanging in a small town. Before he takes the big trip, the leader of the pack, Frank Clements, puts a hex on the land. Fast forward to 1988 - the outlaws have emerged from the ground, eager to kill the descendants of the reverend who put them down a century ago.
The Review.
I’m going to spoil Ghost Riders in this review, so if you really want to see it, I wouldn’t read any further. For the record, which I will explain later in the review, I don’t recommend you see it…but if you want to, it’s probably best to steer clear.
Our story in the present mostly follows three people - a grizzled Vietnam vet who still wears his Army clothes because he has either forgotten to change in the last decade or he has no other character traits, Pam, a woman who’s interested in the history of the Clements gang, and the grandson of the reverend. The ghost gang members ride horses and are armed with their guns of old, live ammo and all. The logistics of things are never really explained, but then again, it’s a movie about ghost cowboys so who really cares.
It’s directed by Alan Stewart who only directed one other thing - his DTV followup to this called Ghettoblaster in 1989, which I’ve always wanted to see but it hasn’t been available on disc. He also helped produce the incredible Action USA, which is one of the reasons this film piqued my interest. The other reason is that the premise is intriguing - I’m a sucker for genre mashups and mixing a western film with a ghost/slasher style story is a concoction I should love. Hell, one of the first comic book projects I ever wrote was for a western vampire movie, so the log line here is right up my alley. The question, of course, is how these three yokels are going to stop a pack of five ghosts and get out of dodge alive. as the back of the Blu-ray says…”You can’t kill what’s already dead!”
The 80’s were filled with low budget horror outings and I’m sad to say that this is one of the least interesting I’ve seen in a long time. This was made in Texas for $50,000 and it looks like only a tenth of that was actually spent. We don’t really get into the thick of things until about 45 minutes in, and I’ll be honest, I had lost interest far before that. I’m not watching Ghost Rider for people pontificating about life, I’m here for the skeleton cowboy ghosts on the box art. Honestly, if I wasn’t provided a copy for review, I might not have finished it at all. Aside from a nasty headshot someone takes in the first scene, there’s very little gore and the set pieces are quite boring. As with many of these films, the actors are largely unknowns and don’t bring much to the table. The ghost outlaws have no personality and don’t speak, and the poster, much like in the case of R.O.T.O.R. is about as misleading as it gets. It portrays three skeleton cowboys walking down a street with guns cocked. There were no skeletons. The ghost cowboys look exactly as they did before they took the last ride. Hell, there weren’t even streets, because everything takes place in the Texas woods aside from a late film showdown at a house. The action is uninteresting and there’s never any real tension, even during the climax of the film.
To answer the question I posed earlier, how do these three yokels stop a pack of five ghost cowboys, the solution may surprise and disappoint you - good old fashioned bullets. You can shoot them and they bleed just like men of flesh and blood, but then they get up and are generally annoying again. At the end of the film, two of our heroes are cornered, on the ground, nowhere to go with five ghosts walking towards them guns drawn. All hope appears to be lost, this is the tension that movies are supposed to present. How will these two get out of this perilous situation? Pam pulls out a sawed-off double barrel shotgun and aims it at the spirits. Now, I know what you’re thinking - it’s five gunslinger apparitions against two shotgun shells, so the clear advantage goes to the gang…and then she pulls a Michael Scott. “If I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Frank Clements and had a gun with two bullets,, I’d shoot Frank twice.” Frank falls down and then the gang just walks away and disappears into thin air like a fart in a Saharan sand storm. Why? Who cares, I was happy because the movie was ending.
The End.
Ghost Riders reminded me of my prom night - an exercise in slow burn disappointment. After seeing this, I’m a little weary about finally seeing Ghettoblaster. It’s rare that I find a film that I feel has no redeeming qualities, so instead, I’ll talk a bit about the disc, because Verdugo did put together an impressive package.
The film looks about as good as it could - the new 4K scan was taken straight from the 16mm A & B negative. The picture is clear and crisp - aside from seeing it in 1988, this is probably the best it’ll ever look. The sound is not as good as the picture, although I’m guessing based on what they were able to produce that it’s even better than the elements they were given to work with. The mono soundtrack has a bit of a background hiss to it and the dialogue feels muffled and muddy.
In terms of special features, the list is impressive. We start with an audio commentary by cinematographer-producer Thomas L. Calloway, writer-producer James Desmarais, and moderator Steve Latshaw. There are two mini-documentaries, one that was filmed for this release called “Bringing Out The Ghosts: The Making of Ghost Riders”, which sticks Calloway and Desmarais in a room to talk about some aspects of the production. The archived documentary which was produced by Baylor University in 1987 is titled, “Low Budget Films: On the Set of “Ghostriders”. This is more about low budget films in general but is a nice companion. A few trailers round out the disc. In short, I do not recommend Ghost Riders, but if you’re a fan for some reason, Verdugo’s done a nice job with the presentation.
