Jakob’s Wife (2021).
2/22/2022
Directed by Travis Stevens
Written by Mark Steensland, Kathy Charles and Travis Stevens
Starring Barbara Crampton, Larry Fessenden, and Bonnie Aarons
The Stage.
Anne is married to a small-town minister named Jakob. She plays the role of housewife, but feels like her life has been kind of shrinking over the past thirty years. When an old flame comes into town, they go to check out a local real estate deal and encounter a strange creature in the basement. When she emerges, she’s got a new sense of power and an appetite for life. Unfortunately, she’s also got an appetite for blood.
The Review.
In terms of horror sub-genres, vampire films are among my least favorite because there’s only so much you can do with the subject. Very rarely do vampire films work for me, but I really had fun with Jakob’s Wife and there’s really three reasons why. First, the actors are really great in these roles, second, the film goes in a different direction than you might think, and finally, even with all of this crazy shit happening, it never takes itself too seriously and has moments of genuine comedy.
Larry Fessenden plays the minister and horror legend Barbara Crampton plays the titular wife. They’re both cast perfectly and are able to have a lot of fun with the roles. As Anne started turning into full-fledged blood sucker, I thought for sure that the rest of the movie was going to be about Jakob being suspicious about her activity, thinking that she was being unfaithful, as she was trying to hide it while only drawing suspicion to herself. It’s a plot we’ve seen done a million times. Fortunately, it subverts expectations and he finds out almost instantly. It’s this reveal that turns the film in a direction that I didn’t see it going and I really enjoyed how everything played out. As Anne turns, she also exudes uncharacteristic sexuality and at 62, Barbara Crampton is still hot. Jakob’s journey from straight-laced weenie into something totally different is really fun to watch as well.
Being a vampire movie, there’s got to be gore, and although the moments of bloodshed are few and far between, when they do happen, blood is shed. When necks are bitten in this, blood doesn’t trickle out, it fucking sprays, even going so far as to have someone’s head just completely torn off so that a vampire can use the stump as a literal drinking fountain. And there’s nothing quite like hearing someone say, “I’m going to tongue fuck a hole in your neck until you puke blood.”
The End.
Jakob’s Wife isn’t without it’s faults, it’s a little long in the tooth (pun definitely intended) and could have used another edit, but the camera work is solid, the performances are fantastic, the gore and effects are cool, it’s funny, and in terms of vampire movies, I had a really good time with it. If you’re looking for a horror film with just a touch of lore and a dash of comedy, check this out. I think you’ll have a good time.
