Murder Weapon (1989).
Directed by David DeCoteau
Written by Ross A. Perron
Starring Linnea Quigley, Karen Russell, and a bunch of frat boys
“Bad things only happen to good people.”
The Stage.
Two women who coerce their way out of a mental institution hold a party to reunite with their old boyfriends, but a mysterious killer starts knocking the boys off one by one. Will the killer be unmasked before it’s too late?
The Review.
David DeCoteau is a really interesting filmmaker from the school of Roger Corman. He’s prolific, having over 170 director credits since his debut in 1984, ranging from suntan oil soaked trash like Beach Babes from Beyond and Revenge of the Babes, the 1313 series which I have never seen but appear to be direct to video dreck (there are 14 films in that series!), to a series of television films that all start with the phrase, “The Wrong”…like The Wrong Crush, The Wrong Boy Next Door, The Wrong Prince Charming (and there are 26 films in that series, yes, 26!), to a gaggle of Lifetime Christmas films. This film was made to bolster his video distribution company back in ‘89.
Murder Weapon starts with an absolutely bizarre opening scene as Dawn, played by Linnea Quigley, walks around a neighborhood and then into her house with the style and grace of a twelve year old who happens to look 30. She grabs a big glass of milk and then looks out the window at a supermodel who’s tanning in the backyard. The editing of this overlong scene is awful, as we watch the model apply tanning oil to the same places about a dozen times. At the same time she’s lubing up, this creepy guy wearing what appears to be a Christmas sweater is snooping around the backyard like he’s in an episode of Scooby Doo. He sneaks up on her and…kisses her. It was a swerve! He’s not a killer, he’s the boyfriend! The two go into the house and make love, but unbeknownst to them, Dawn is watching with the curiosity of someone who’s never seen the act of sex before. When Mr. Cosby Sweater heads to the bathroom to take a shower, Dawn grabs a knife, murders the woman, and then gets into the shower with the dude and kills him too. Cut to, a mental hospital where we get a ten minute scene of Dawn trying to coax her way to freedom, and moments later, she and her friend Amy, played by the stunning Karen Russell, are poolside somewhere planning a party.
The party consists of the two ladies and six dudes, one of whom is weirdly obsessed with Moosehead beer which I can only assume was some weird product placement as he wears a Moosehead shirt and says, “We’re bailing if I don’t have a Moosehead in my hands” when he gets there. One of them men walks in as Amy is taking a shower and holds up a razor and shaving cream, as if he brought them to the party and then he sensually shaves her legs for a few minutes while we cut between his and her smiles, before it’s cut short by one of Amy’s death dreams. See, every time she dozes off, she has visions of herself being killed by these guys in various gruesome ways. We also learn here that both Amy and Dawn’s dads are mobsters who apparently have photo albums on their coffee table that has polaroids of all the men they’ve killed. Once Eric, a heavy metal singer who looks like he walked straight of band practice with Jesse and the Rippers shows up, the party really gets going and two of the guys start throwing a football around in the front yard while listening to instrumental rock and roll…you know, the telltale signs of any great bash.
And then we get our first glimpse of the black gloved, giallo inspired killer. I wasn’t expecting much from the kills and the first one doesn’t even happen until 45 minutes in, but it involves a sledge hammer to the skull and holy shit did it deliver. We see the hammer hit multiple times as the head just turns to mush and blood goes everywhere. It was that point in the film that I perked up a bit because I knew that the second half of the film wasn’t just going to be stilted, odd conversations anymore…it was going to be stilted, odd conversations with some great kills. I do want to take a second to talk about the dialogue in this film because it’s so unnatural and weird. Dawn and one of her ex-boyfriends go to the store for beer, and when they get back, Amy walks out and says, “Well, you guys made it back.”…like…what? And Bart and Kevin are wondering where Mr. Sledgehammer-To-The-Head went - Kevin says, “He’s probably just looking around.”, to which Bart replies, “Figures.”…remember, he just met the guy like thirty minutes ago, and then Kevin follows up with, “Well, I’m not his mom, it’s just his bad luck.” Again…what?
Anyway, as the night progresses, more people have sex and more people die in gruesome ways, some that make absolutely no sense but it doesn’t even matter because they’re so awesome. One guy is laying on a bed and a black gloved hand comes up through his chest like the chest burster in Alien and feeds him his own heart. Another guy gets a broken champagne bottle through the neck. The effects, while cheap, are really fun. Hats off to David Barton who did the gore effects in this one.
I can’t say the same about whoever scored the film, however. The dramatic music is laughable and the “sexy” jazz riff that plays during intimate scenes sounds like it’s straight out of an episode of Rugrats. The editing is also extremely poor, often times ping-ponging between to close ups during conversations to the point of dizziness and cutting away from people as their mouth starts saying something but the character then says nothing. Once we start getting into the thick of things, the film inexplicably switches to a flashback off Amy at the hospital which brings all of the film’s momentum to a grinding halt.
The End.
I thought Murder Weapon was terribly made but extremely fun. The film was shot in just six days, and you can definitely tell, but there’s something oddly charming about it. It features two beautiful women with lots of nudity, seems to have something to say about female equality (although that’s not at all explored outside of the hospital interrogation room flashbacks), great gore, and dialogue that’s so weird that you can’t help but be entertained. The screenwriter tries to zig and zag with who the murderer is, but you’ll probably know who it is because the film kind of tips it’s hand ten minutes in, but it’s fun enough anyway.
The Vinegar Syndrome disc looks pretty good, they did a complete restoration on the picture, but I actually thought the sound on this disc was terrible. Specifically the levels of dialogue to backgroud music. I ended up turning subtitles on because a lot of what was being said was garbled by the mix. Not sure what happened there. The extras on the disc include a commentary track by Ms. Quigley and the director, as well as a two minute introduction to the film by the director. The commentary track is unfortunately very poorly done - DeCoteau doesn’t seem like he prepared anything at all and straight up states he hasn’t seen the movie since it’s release. There’s a lot of stammering and a lot of things repeated. It also sounds like he’s distracted and looking at his phone or something at times. Quigley tries to keep DeCoteau on track and focused, but his thoughts are just too scattered to enjoy it. Hell, at one point, he actually takes a cellphone call during the viewing.
