A Christmas Story (1983).
…and the Ralphie Parker Cinematic Universe.
Bob Clark had a rollercoaster career directing films. Sure, he made the Baby Genius flicks and he was guilty of putting Rhinestone on celluloid, but he made the best holiday horror of all time (Black Christmas), one of the definitive teen sex comedies of all time (Porky’s). Additionally, somewhere in the middle of all that, he directed everyone’s favorite Christmas Eve background film - the perpetually looped-on-TBS classic, A Christmas Story.
A Christmas Story was originally released in the holiday season of 1983 and, despite the praises of Roger Ebert, underperformed at the box office. In the years since, the film has gained an immense following (thanks to repeated showings on television), quickly becoming a family tradition for many and earning the top spot on many publications’ “Best Christmas Movie” lists. Ebert followed up his original 1983 review with a 2000 retrospective in which he wrote, “In a poignant way, A Christmas Story records a world that no longer quite exists in America. Kids are no longer left unattended in the line for Santa. The innocence of kids' radio programs has been replaced by slick, ironic children's programming on TV. The new Daisy BB guns have a muzzle velocity higher than that of some police revolvers, and are not to be sold to anyone under 16. Nobody knows who Red Ryder was, let alone that his sidekick was Little Beaver.” He was right in 2000, but now in 2022, the world of A Christmas Story is simply unrecognizable.
Recently, I saw A Christmas Story 2, and digging in a bit more, I was surprised to learn that not only was it NOT the first sequel to A Christmas Story, but that A Christmas Story wasn’t even the first film featuring Ralphie Parker. There was this whole Ralphie Parker Cinematic Universe that I hadn’t even scratched the surface of. The world of Ralphie Parker actually started on TV, with a spot on the series Visions.
The Phantom of the Open Hearth (1976)
In 1976, Jean Shepherd wrote and narrated his first of the “Ralphie Parker Cinematic Universe”, titled The Phantom of the Hearth. It was produced for the TV show Visions. Visions was an anthology series that often featured original stories that were mainly period pieces. The Phantom of the Open Hearth followed the same format we know and love from A Christmas Story - an older Ralph, looking back with great nostalgia on the youthful moments that made him who he was today. Many of these elements would be lifted straight from this film and used again in A Christmas Story, including the infamous Leg Lamp gag.
Our first view of the teenage Ralph Parker is portrayed by David Elliott, who was relatively unknown at the time but would go on to play many characters on TV shows. The old man was played by Matthew Broderick’s father James Broderick. Barbara Bolton played the mother, William Lampley played Flick, and Brian Utman (who, after playing Jason on Herbie the Love Bug, was relegated to roles like “Military Man #4” and “Eager Cop”) played Schwartz. It’s a funny introduction to the characters we know and love, even if some of the stories seem repetitive after multiple A Christmas Story viewings.
The Great American 4th of July and Other Disasters (1982)
A year before Peter Billingsly stepped into the most iconic iteration of the character, another future star would don the moniker of Ralph Parker - Matt Dillon. This made-for-TV trip through blue collar Indiana focused again on Ralph’s high school adventures, this time featuring school band and a blind date, and of course, fireworks mishaps.
James Broderick, Barbara Bolton, and William Lampley all reprised their roles while Jeff Yonis (who literally did nothing after this) plays Schwartz. This is a mediocre entry in the series but is fun in a cheesy way. A scene in which Ralph meets his blind date is particularly heavy on the cheese as the camera bounces in and out of close ups as Ralph’s heart beats. Harmless fun. The only available way to see this is, unfortunately, on YouTube in less than VHS quality.
The Star-Crossed Romance of Josephine Cosnowski (1985)
In 1985, the PBS series American Playhouse again produced the first made-for-TV sequel to A Christmas Story titled The Star-Crossed Romance of Josephine Cosnowski. After converting Ralph into a grade school kid for A Christmas Story, he’s back to a teenager here. As Ralph and his family prepare for Thanksgiving, he finds himself infatuated with the Polish girl who has moved in next door. Unfortunately, her family sees his fawning as a prelude to marriage, and of course things escalate from there.
Its narrated once again by Jean Shepherd. Peter Kowanko plays Ralph and George Coe plays his old man. Barbara Bolton, William Lampley, and Jeff Yonis all reprise their roles. The rest of the cast is a who’s who of “Who?”. Although the film failed to gain much traction over the years, it’s one of the more solid Thanksgiving movies that exist (a great Thanksgiving triple-feature with A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and of course, 1987’s Blood Rage). Unfortunately, any physical DVD you find of this is going to be ripped from a VHS copy that’s ripped from a TV broadcast.
Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss (1988)
The second made-for-TV film featuring Ralph and his family was titled Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss. It aired on the Disney Channel in 1988 and again followed Ralph as a teenager, this time eschewing the holiday theme in favor of a summer setting. The film is an odd mixture of one part more lighthearted Blue Collar and one part National Lampoon’s Vacation. The first half follows Ralph working his summer job as a mover while his mother searches for the family dog and the second half is your typical “everything goes wrong” road trip flick.
Jean Shepherd is still narrating and Fred Barzyk, who directed The Star-Crossed Romance of Josephine Cosnowski is again behind the camera. Ralph is played by a young Jerry O’Connell, the old man is played by James Sikking, and Dorothy Lyman (best known for playing Naomi Harper on Mama’s Family) plays the mom. It does play fast and loose with the Christmas Story mythos, swapping the character traits of Flick and Schwartz (in A Christmas Story, Flick is the cool one, here, Schwartz is the cool one) - but maybe they just changed as they grew up a bit. Either way, it’s a solid entry in the series. Again, there’s no physical copy of this one and predictably, it’s not available on Disney+.
It Runs in the Family (aka My Summer Story) (1994)
Plans for a sequel started in 1984, but it took another ten years until It Runs in the Family, the only theatrical sequel to A Christmas Story, hit theaters. Once again we get a pre-teen Ralph as he, Flick, and Schwartz navigate their summer. Scut Farcus (now played by Chris Owen, aka The Sherminator) has been relegated to a henchman in favor of a new bully named Lug Ditka, a feared top battler who looks like the human version of Sid from Toy Story. One subplot sees Ralphie write a book report on an erotic Italian book. Another sees the old man going up against his yokel neighbors, the Bumpus family (or, the Bumpi, as Ralph calls them). It’s about as weird as it sounds.
Aside from Jean Shepherd’s last ride as the narrator, there is no connective tissue here. Young Ralph is played by Kieran Culkin and his parents are played by Charles Grodin and Mary Steenburgen. I did not like this film at all. It feels like Jean Shepherd almost started to become a parody of himself - his wry, dry humor being turned up a few too many notches. The “dream sequences” in the Ralphie Parker Cinematic Universe have always been outlandish, but this one makes the real life sequences outlandish as well.
In theaters, this was called It Runs in the Family, which was changed to My Summer Story for some reason when it hit home video. Unlike the previous sequels, this film was put out on VHS, DVD, and most recently, Blu-ray.
A Christmas Story 2 (2012)
The mid-2000’s saw a lot of movies get unnecessary sequels as the Direct-to-DVD model was booming. Films like Cruel Intentions, The Skulls, The Tooth Fairy, and more all had sequels no one asked for and no one wanted to see. A Christmas Story was yet another casualty of that fad. It bills itself as an official sequel, despite not having anything to do with Jean Shepherd or his books while completely disregarding the events and characters of It Runs in the Family. We’re back to a teenage Ralph, who has traded in his desire to attain a Red Ryder BB gun and has instead become focused on a used Mercury Eight convertible. When he inadvertently causes damage to the car at the dealership, he’s forced to spend his Christmas vacation earning enough dough to pay the dealer back, or he’ll be tossed in jail.
The film is about as stupid as it sounds. It lacks the wit, charm, and characters that the first film had, simply relying on the nostalgia you hold for the original, while lifting story elements from Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss. Braeden Lemasters plays a ridiculous looking Ralph Parker, Daniel Stern plays the old man, and Stacey Travis plays the Mom. The rest of the cast is relatively unknown. It was directed by Brian Levant, best known for his other Christmas barnburner, Jingle All The Way. Nat Mauldin both wrote and narrated the movie, which is a bit baffling considering Daniel Stern, one of the most beloved narrators for his work on a very similarly themed show The Wonder Years, was part of the cast. I’d have found someone else to play the old man and let Mr. Stern do the lifting on the narration, but what do I know?
A Christmas Story Christmas (2022)
Amended: 11/25/2022
Well, the older post had been up for a few years now and there’s yet ANOTHER entry to the Christmas Story saga - A Christmas Story Christmas, which was developed for HBO Max.
This legacy sequel follows Ralphie Parker, who’s now an adult, as he returns to the house on Cleveland Street to give his kids a magical Christmas like the one he had as a child, reconnecting with childhood friends and reconciling the passing of The Old Man.
This entry is directed by Clay Kaytis, who had already been to the Christmas well with Christmas Chronicles on Netflix. He also wrote the film along with Nick Shenck, who has written some of Clint Eastwood’s more recent fare. A lot of the same actors are back so many years later, which is a nice touch. It is a shame that Melinda Dillon did not come back to play Ralphie’s mother, but Julie Hagerty was good.
And with that, we’ve come to a close on the Ralphie Parker Cinematic Universe. There are also other iterations of A Christmas Story, including stage plays and a FOX broadcast of “A Christmas Story Live”, but I don’t consider those part of the cinematic canon. Most of the films mentioned are available on YouTube (although in regrettable quality), so they are accessible to most. Hopefully you had some fun digging into the wild history of Ralphie Parker, before you snuggle up on the couch, flip to TBS, turn off the leg lamp, and watch A Christmas Story this year.
