Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016).

“Nobody cares about Clark Kent taking on the Batman.”

Directed by Zack Snyder

Written by Chris Terrio and David Goyer

Starring Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Jesse Eisenberg, Laurence Fishburne, Jeremy Irons, and Holly Hunter

1. (The Stage)

The events at the end of Man of Steel have left Superman’s reputation on Earth in ruins. Unfortunately, it’s also left the city of Metropolis in ruins, something Bruce Wayne simply cannot forgive. Oh, and Lex Luthor has decided to destroy mankind by creating a creature named Doomsday.

I’m obviously severely late to the BvS party, but I legitimately had zero interest in the DC cinematic universe post Nolan. I saw Man of Steel shortly after it was released on disc and didn’t love it, and I thought that Suicide Squad was one of the worst movies I saw in 2016, so I didn’t feel like there was any reason to keep going with the DCU. With the Snyder cut released, it finally struck my curiosity. I watched the Ultimate Edition, clocking in at over three hours long.

2. (The Good)

I was not expecting to have a lot of good things to say about Batman v Superman based on the critical thrashing it received, but I actually liked a lot of the elements at play. The cast was great - Jeremy Irons, Laurence Fishburne, and Holly Hunter were all top notch, but the two biggest surprises for me were Ben Affleck as Batman and Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor.

I thought Ben Affleck was a great Batman. He’s a bigger, older, jaded son of a bitch who lumbers instead of glides as he beats the shit out of people. The warehouse fight scene was especially brutal and is just the kind of fight scene I want to see Batman tear through. It was reminiscent of the Arkham video games. I know Eisenberg got a lot of flack for his portrayal as Lex Luthor, but I thought his quirky, maniacal turn as Luthor was interesting and brought a much needed energy to the film when he was on screen.

Some of the action scenes were really cool, like seeing the end of Man of Steel from the perspective of normal human beings. The film also raises some interesting questions about how the world might deal with a powerful alien being coming into town to save the day. Unfortunately, the film doesn’t really explore those ideas in a meaningful way, even though it tries to reckon with it in the beginning.

The score by Hans Zimmer and Junkie XL was pretty sweet too. I can see myself putting some of these tracks on my work playlist.

3. (The Bad)

This script is bad. So much of it makes no sense and it’s so convoluted. I still have no idea what Lex Luthor was doing or how Doomsday fit into any of this. The first hour of the film feels like loosely connected vignettes instead of a coherent plot. I almost gave up on the film about thirty minutes in.

The film also has a big problem with how it chooses to portray Superman. I’m cool with tweaks to characters, but the appeal of Superman is that he’s always been this beacon of hope, the good in humanity. In this film, he’s a brooding, whiny madman. The other problem with how Superman is treated comes down to selective use of his powers. The man consistently races The Flash - that’s how fast he is. Yet when it’s convenient, he runs at Batman with the speed of a normal man, because the plot needs it to happen in order for him to take a kryptonite bullet to the face. This happens in the desert fight with Batman as well. He’s surrounded by ten men with machine guns, yet they all let him get close enough to beat them to smithereens when they could be shooting at a distance. I guess that one was a dream sequence, so it didn’t have to make complete sense.

In fact, most of the things in this film just sort of happen because the plot needs it to happen in order to get from point A to point B. People don’t act like actual human beings. There’s a scene in which Lois Lane needs to get to Wayne Manor. The exchange is something along the lines of:

Lois: “I need to use the helicopter.”

Boss: “You don’t need the helicopter for a story.”

Lois: “It’s not for a story.”

Boss: “GET HER A HELICOPTER, NOW!”

What boss would do that? No one fucking talks in this film! In fact, if a few people had actual conversations, the whole plot would have been unraveled in no time. Then again, no one at the Daily Planet seems very smart since they can’t recognize that Clark Kent is Superman simply because he’s wearing the ultimate disguise that is…a pair of eye-glasses.

I also should mention that I’m just not a fan of Zack Snyder’s visual style. While there are some cool shots in the film, everything feels so manufactured by CGI. I never felt like I was brought along into a convincing world that was lived in. The fight scene with Doomsday was especially irksome, as the constant CGI hits held absolutely no weight. I never felt like anyone was in actual danger.

My last complaint is about the appearance of Wonder Woman. She really doesn’t have much to do here aside from dropping little hints (read: mini-trailers) about the other Justice League members until she just sort of pops in at the end to help wrangle Doomsday. Her appearance was ruined in the trailer, which could have been a cool reveal.

4. (The Ugly)

The whole movie was so ugly. Everything was dark, drab, and gloomy. There was very little color in the film. It was depressing.

I have also heard a lot of complaints about Batman killing people in this film, which raised an eyebrow from me at first as well. Clearly this isn’t meant to be the Bale Batman, this is the Frank Miller Batman who has no real issues with killing bad people. I think this could have been better established however. First, cut out the goddamn origin story from the first shots of the film. We know how Batman became Batman. Your audience is smart, they get it. Second, make Affleck look older. He looks the same age as Bale.

5. (The End)

Batman v Superman is a messy film but not one without its merits. I think that the parts are greater than it’s sum. At three hours long, I doubt I’ll ever watch it again, but I can’t say that it was a horrendous film. Affleck made a great Batman and Eisenberg was an interesting cross between Mark from The Social Network and the Joker. I would be up for seeing more of them in the future.