Soul Man (1986).

“There’s something I have to tell you…I’m black.”

Directed by Steve Miner

Written by Carol Black

Starring C. Thomas Howell, Rae Dawn Chong, and Darth Vader

The Stage.

Mark, an entitled rich kid, tears open his application letter from Harvard Law School and sees that both he and his best friend have been accepted. Unfortunately, Mark’s father is making him pay his own way, so he does what any sane privileged white kid would do - goes black face to snag a scholarship.

The Review.

Where do I even start? C. Thomas Howell has defended his involvement in this film, saying that it has “…very deep messages”, “…is very funny” and that Soul Man is an “important movie”, and I am here to tell you that none of those statements are true. Look no further than the fact that it was directed by the very white Steve Miner and written by white writer Carol Black, creator of the Wonder Years, a show on which the blackest thing was her last name. I highly doubt anyone looked to them as the shining beacon of the black experience in America.

It goes without saying that this movie is offensively racist, but if you need quick proof of that, look no further than the marketing itself. Posters feature C. Thomas Howell, who pulls off being black just about as good as I pull off being a good movie reviewer, with hook lines that say things like, “Guess who’s coming to college?” as if it was strange to see a smart black person, or “He didn’t give up, he got down”, which is only less offensive if you think “he got down” means that because he’s now black, he’s a good dancer or something, and only elevates its offensiveness if you look at the phrase “he got down” as the poster giving us some kind of social metaphor.

Now I know what you’re thinking, how is Mark going to pull off black face for a whole college career? We’re talking four years of reapplying makeup or something, right? Wrong. The writer wanted Mark black right away, so he overdoses on experimental tanning pills. Yes, that’s how he turns black. Even more insane is that everyone at Harvard Law is fooled by this. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, someone he literally went to high school with, is basically the infant you used to play peek-a-boo with, putting your hands over your face as the dumb baby was like, “WAIT WHERE THE FUCK DID HE GO?” grew up, somehow got into Harvard, and went, “WAIT WHERE THE FUCK DID MARK GO?” These are the people handling your trials, ladies and gentlemen. This right here is why OJ went free.

There’s this side story about Mark falling in love with Sarah Walker, played by Rae Dawn Chong. You know that it’s arching towards that moment of truth that all romantic comedies have, where the main character comes clean. For most movies, it’s “I’m sorry, I made a bet that I could turn your nerdy ass into the prom queen, but I actually love you now that you’re hot and/or I got to know you”, or “I’m sorry, I’m the one that was trying to put your company out of business, but I actually love you now that you’re hot and/or I got to know you”, but of course in Soul Man, the hammer you’re waiting to drop is, “Hey, guess what, I’m not black.” Adding to the embarrassment is Edward James Olmos, a law professor who you’ll stare at thinking, “How do you not know, dude?”

Of course the movie tries to tackle racism in the most overt, ham-fisted way possible. Take two characters we’ll call Goofus and Goofus, who’s entire role in the film is to walk around and make offensive jokes about black people. We only see them when Mark is within ear shot, but I guess we’re led to believe that these two racist pricks just walk around telling thousands of black jokes a day. Don’t forget being racially profiled and tossed in jail, or the landlord not wanting them to move in because a Harvard Law student is, *gulp*, black, as if African Americans weren’t living in Boston until the 90’s. And how can I forget the hilarious scene in which Mark is picked first in basketball because all black people are good at sports, and then disappoints his team when it appears that he’s never even seen a basketball in his life as he flails and flops around the court like Lebron James trying to coax a foul call from the referee because a fly landed on his head during a three-point shot.

I haven’t even mentioned the character of Whitney, played by Melora Hardin who most people will probably know as Jan Levinson from The Office. Long before she started her thriving candle business, she was sleeping with Mark. Moments after their first roll in the hay, she exclaims, “I could really feel 400 years of anger and oppression with every pelvic thrust!” and then laments that the “black men have bigger dicks” stereotype isn’t true. She also takes him home for dinner one night, as her family has visions of him in the most basic stereotypes imaginable. The mother sees him as some kind of jungle warrior who hunts for white women as you all but see her chair drenched in sweat and mucus. Her kid brother sees him as Prince, because, you know…being from Boston, Prince is the only black person he’s ever seen, and the father, Leslie Nielson, just goes full racist in his vision, featuring Mark dressed in a pimp costume, calling Whitney a bitch and a slut, all while scarfing down a slice of watermelon.

The End.

Soul Man isn’t just offensive, it’s insulting. To see C. Thomas Howell still out here defending a role that Ralph Macchio turned down is baffling, both because the role is racist as shit and because Ralph Macchio will accept just about anything evidenced by his role in Karate Kid Part III.

In 2021, you won’t leave this film with the brand new realization of, “Wow, black people sure have it rough!” because you already know that without having to see overblown Irish stereotypes beating up a black person because their softball team just lost to a team of them, and my guess is that in 1986, it would have been no different.

Soul Man is tasteless, devoid of laughs, and anyone defending it as some mind blowing portrait of the black American experience is just stupid.