Unhinged (2020).

“I don’t think you even know what a bad day really is.”

Directed by Derrick Borte

Written by Carl Ellsworth

Starring Caren Pistorius, Russell Crowe, Gabriel Bateman, and a super reliable Volvo

1. (The Stage)

A frazzled Volvo driver honks at a man who’s having a really bad day, so he makes her day really bad too.

2. (The Good)

Russell Crowe! I love me some Russell Crowe. Here, he goes full unhinged, middle American bad guy, which is really fun. See, he’s just coming off of a double murder and does not need some lady giving him a full honk when she could have given him a much more polite “courtesy honk”. He knows his goose is cooked, so what’s a few more murders on his way out? He really chews the car interior here in full psychopath mode. I loved his performance in this film.

Jimmi Simpson (McPoyle!) shows up for one scene, appearing across the table from Russell Crowe and it’s magnificent. I really wish we had more of that scene because it was both terrifying and energetic.

This movie is kinetic and always on the go, so the car scenes are really important, and on that note this film delivers. There are some really awesome car wrecks in this film. People get smashed, cars go flying, and a cement truck fucking decimates a car like it was made of cardboard. I loved the car work in this film. If you’ve ever fantasized about watching an extended game of cat and mouse between a Volvo and a mini-van, this is the film for you.

3. (The Bad)

I think that Caren Pistorius is a fine actress, but she wasn’t given much to work with here. It’s very tough to make a film like this set in 2021 because of the access to information that humans have. Then again, it’s also tough to make a film like this set in the past, because a smart phone is at the crux of the entire plot concocted by Russell Crowe’s character. That’s a long preamble to say that the script is dumb. Really dumb. Rachel continuously makes ridiculous decisions that sap your ability to sympathize with her plight. The moment she tries to condemn someone to death for something that was 100% her fault made me lose all interest in whatever she was going for.

The script is also piled to the brim with cliches and eye-rolling expositional dialogue that would never be uttered in real life, straight down to this kind of amazing exchange:

“We’re going to the game this weekend, right absentee father?”

“Uh, sorry kiddo, stuff came up at work and I can’t go because I am high up in nondescript business. But maybe we can toss the pigskin around later!”

There’s also a ridiculous exchange between a 911 operator and Rachel, in which he tells her something to the effect of, “Sorry ma’am, all of our officers are responding to a car crash. Guess you’re on your own!” As screenwriters, we can do better than this!

I also think the movie would have been better without the opening Russell Crowe scene. Just give us hints through the news coverage instead. The diner scene would have been way more shocking if we didn’t know what Crowe was capable of, turning a vibe of, “Oh, he’s just giving her some well deserved shit.” into “Oh shit, he’s a crazy murderer.”

4. (The Ugly)

I guess the ugly here is really…humanity in the 21st Century. This film is a lesson about how a little grace followed by a simple apology could have stopped this whole plot from unfolding. People wouldn’t have been smacked by cars, stabbed, burned alive, or smashed like pancakes. I think what the film is trying to say is, be nice to others…right?

Nah, the ugly is definitely that dude that gets smashed by the cement truck on the highway.

5. (The End)

This movie is very dumb entertainment. The experience devolves from “Is Rachel really that stupid?” to, “Is everyone in this town really that stupid?” to, “Are the police really that stupid?” to, “Yeah, I guess everyone in this film is fucking stupid.” Watch it for Russell Crowe and the car wrecks. Skip through everything else.