The Wrong Guy (1997).

The Stage.

Nelson, a middle manager for a Cleveland based business, is passed up for a promotion. Furious, he threatens to kill his boss (who also happens to be his father-in-law). A few hours later, the boss turns up dead, and everyone thinks Nelson did it. Just kidding, only Nelson thinks that everyone thinks he did it. He goes on the lamb while being pursued by no one.

The Review.

About twelve minutes into The Wrong Guy, you know you’re watching something special. Dave Foley, cast perfectly as the meek, oft mistaken for a woman, Nelson, walks out of his boss’s office covered in blood and holding the knife he pulled from his boss’s dead neck. In most comedies, this is where the misunderstanding starts, and we’d spend the rest of the film watching him evade the law while trying to clear his name. In this film, in the very next scene, we see the cops watching security footage of exactly what happened, joking about Nelson and trying to figure out the identity of the actual assassin, who is clearly shown in the footage. They know he’s not guilty. The comedy in the film comes from Nelson thinking he’s being hounded by the cops when he’s actually not. Dave Foley is outstanding in this film and a lot of the charm comes from his willingness to consistently look foolish. He’s definitely committed to the role and I just loved his character.

The assassin, a master of disguise who always fully commits to whatever garb he’s wearing, is in pursuit of Nelson because of his own misunderstanding. The assassin, known only as ‘The Killer’ is played wonderfully by Colm Feore, a character actor who you’ve probably seen dozens of times on-screen and just never knew his name. And on his tail is Detective Arlin, played by David Anthony Higgens, a man who has absolutely no interest in the case aside from being extremely impressed with the killer’s ability to lift himself into a ventilation shaft. Higgens, who most people would probably know as Craig, Lois’s co-worker on Malcolm in the Middle, was fantastic in this film. Also in the cast is Jennifer Tilly playing Lynn, a small town girl who catches the eye of Nelson when he comes to town on the run.

The film is equal parts slapstick, absurdist, and witty dialogue driven comedy. It’s really tough to get a combination like this right, but The Wrong Guy nails it for the most part. The script, which was based on a discarded sketch Dave Foley had written for Kids in the Hall, was written by Foley, Higgens, and Jay Kogen, who wrote for The Simpsons during its killer 1990-1993 run. You can tell, because several scenarios in this film feel like you could have swapped Nelson out for Homer Simpson and it would have been right at home in Springfield. A gag in which Nelson dives onto a moving train and flies right out the other side is just one example. I thought the

The End.

The Wrong Guy is a very funny film that has to be one of the most underrated comedies of the nineties. Rumor has it that this was originally going to be a Jim Carrey vehicle, probably abandoned when Liar, Liar got thrown his way. Foley was, at one point, attached to direct, but couldn’t when the News Radio schedule wouldn’t allow it. I imagine that if Carrey had starred with Foley behind the camera, Foley’s career trajectory would have been a whole lot different than it ended up being. The Kino Lorber disc is now long out of print, a shame, as it has a commentary by director David Steinberg and all three writers that I’d love to hear. It’s not even currently available on Amazon, so I’ll be keeping my eyes open for this one at the second-hand shops, and you should too. The Wrong Guy is a gem of a comedy that really deserves to be seen by more people.

Halloween Ends (2022).

The Review.

Out of all the Halloween films, this is by far the most bizarre, and that is saying a lot in a world in which they made a Halloween film without Michael Myers that featured killer masks that melted kids faces after being activated by microchips and a TV special. It’s also the worst.

We start with a wealthy family that’s headed to a Halloween party in 2019. Corey, a local high school senior, is called upon to babysit. It all seems fine until the two seemingly start to hate each other for no reason and during a disagreement, the kid is flung three stories to the ground, dying in front of his parents as they walk in the front door. How the kid gets off the hook is anyone’s guess, but we then jump ahead to present time and he’s labeled the neighborhood psycho. Why he and his family haven’t left town is again, anyone’s guess. Corey went from a kid with dreams of being a mechanical engineer to working at a scrap yard. Ronald, the guy who runs the scrapyard, gives Corey a motorcycle and tells him, “This will help you get to work on time.” Then a scene later, we learn that he’s Corey’s dad, and if his kid is constantly late to work, maybe he could just like…give him a ride. We also find out that there are four caricatures of high school bullies who have targeted Corey because they’re just like…mean all the time, I guess.

The Strodes still live in Haddonfield too. Laurie, who is writing a book about her experiences with The Shape, used to live in a fortress while Michael was confined to a mental institution for forty years, but has moved into a normal house after Michael went missing super close by. She introduces her daughter to Corey after she saves him from the bullies. They go on one date that doesn’t end well, and then they’re madly in love. Like, “Let’s burn this whole town down, I’ll be the match” kind of stuff. This nonsense goes on for about 45 minutes until the bullies dump Corey off of an overpass, where he’s dragged into the sewer by Michael Myers, who, instead of killing him, looks him in the eyes and lets him go, and now they’re best friends. Michael Myers shows him how to stick a knife in someone and now we have a duo! At one point though, Corey gets mad and walks into Michael’s sewer hole, tackles him and then rips his mask off and just leaves with it for some reason and Michael, a man who was shot, stabbed, beaten, and run over in the last one and just stays on the ground for some reason. So now we kind of have two Michael Myers walking around. It’s cool though, even with one of the cops gone missing, there are no other police officers around unless they’re delivering vegetables and talking about cherry blossoms.

This script is a textbook example of character idiocy. None of them act intelligently, and I’m going to spoil the ending here, so buckle in. Corey, dressed in full Michael Myers garb, walks into Laurie Strode’s house to kill her. She apparently knows he’s there somehow, and arms herself with a revolver. He walks upstairs, and she shoots him twice in the chest and he falls to the first floor of the house. The recent Halloween films don’t care about physics or the way human bodies work, so Corey is fine at the bottom of the stairs as Laurie comes down to kill him…or so we thought. Instead of using the last two bullets on Corey’s face, like a normal person would do, she shoots them into the wall and yells, “YOU CAME HERE TO KILL ME, SO KILL ME!”, and then he stabs himself in the throat so that her daughter will think she killed the love of her life. Got ‘em! Oh, but again, it’s a Halloween film, so even him bleeding out from a slit jugular for a few minutes didn’t kill him.

Michael finally comes for Laurie, but isn’t able to beat up an old woman for some reason. Somehow they pin Michael Myers down on the kitchen island and slice his neck and wrist, and while it seems like he should be dead, they also thought he was dead last time and they didn’t finish the job, and look how that turned out. “Not dead enough.”, says Allyson. YES, THEY’RE GOING TO FINISH HIM OFF. It would be easy enough to just saw the guys fucking head off using the many knives she has available within arms reach. Instead, in a farce of theatrics, they tie his body to the roof of a car, drive with him to a junkyard with the ENTIRE TOWN in tow, CROWD SURF HIS BODY OFF OF THE TOP OF THE CAR, and drop him in a garbage compactor.

This fucking film cannot take place on planet Earth. There are some bad Halloween movies - 6, Resurrection, and H20 are certainly not my favorite, but Halloween Ends is absolutely the worst Halloween film ever made. The only good thing about this film is the John Carpenter score. Seriously, fuck this film. How do you make a good, final Halloween film? With Laurie hunting Michael. That’s it. Not with her chilling in her house all the time waiting for Michael to come find her eventually, and then having her try to whack him with a fire extinguisher.

Werewolf By Night (2022).

The Stage.

A handful of monster hunters gather to celebrate one of their fallen and to compete in a hunt for a magic stone.

The Review.

Marvel has put so much content out on Disney+ that for someone who’s pretty busy, it’s nearly impossible to keep up. I’ve seen Hawkeye, Captain America & Winter Soldier, WandaVision, and a little bit of What If?, but haven’t seen Moon Knight, She Hulk, or any of the other things they’ve released. It’s just a big time commitment. So when I heard about Werewolf By Night, I thought it sounded cool but I wasn’t ready to sink 6 or 7 hours into a new show. Imagine my surprise when I found out it wasn’t a series, but rather a true 53 minute television film!

Right off the bat, you can see that this film isn’t like anything Marvel has ever put on Disney+. For starters, it’s black and white. The film takes place at Bloodstone Manor, home of the now deceased Ulysses Bloodstone. Ulysses Bloodstone is an interesting deep cut from the Marvel catalogue as his publication history was a rocky one. He was introduced in 1975 in Marvel Presents and then was set to be included in the Where Monsters Dwell series, but that book was swiftly canceled. After that, the Bloodstone story was kind of…wrapped. Then he reappeared in The Rampaging Hulk in 1977, where he was killed. The character has made appearances here and there throughout the years, but was never had his own book. How fitting that when he made his MCU debut, he was already dead.

Several monster hunters congregate in the Bloodstone Manor crypt, a place filled with relics and decorated with the heads of fallen monsters adorned to the walls. Among the monster hunters are Jack Russell, played by Gael Garcia Bernal, the daughter of Ulysses Bloodstone, Elsa, Jovan, Azarel, Liorn, and Barasso. After a brief introduction to the night’s hunt, they’re let into a labyrinth to kill a wild beast for the chance to leave with the Bloodstone, an ancient artifact that grants the wielder special protections. Because of the power it contains, the monster isn’t the only thing they’ll need to content with…the power hungry monster hunters aren’t going to let anything…or anyone…get in their way. Of course, some of these monster hunters have secrets of their own.

I had a blast with Werewolf By Night. It’s directed by Michael Giacchino, composer for Jurassic World, The Batman, Mission Impossible: Fallout, Up, and many other Pixar films. If you’re worried about his lack of experience behind the camera, it’s understandable…but rest assured, this man knows what he’s doing. The film is shot wonderfully, featuring several scenes that are direct homages to the classic Universal monster movies and Hammer horror films. A scene in which one of the participants transforms into a werewolf was particularly impressive, as we see the shift happening in shadows against a wall. As expected, the music is great. The film is also much gorier than I expected coming from Marvel. Someone gets their hand cut off, an arrow goes up through someone’s chin, and there are a good amount of practical effects and blood, albeit black blood since it’s shot in black and white.

The End.

At only 53 minutes, I feel like I wanted more Werewolf By Night, but I really do love the shorter run time. It’s a breeze to watch and perfectly sets the tone for a spooky Halloween night. Keep your expectations in check, however, if you’re a Marvel fan who only wants to see the latest superheros flying around - this is not The Avengers. If you can appreciate old school, up all night horror films from the Golden Age of Hollywood, this film should be right up your alley. I highly recommend it.

Yakuza Wolf (1972).

Sonny Chiba has long been a cinematic blindspot for me, and with the release of Shout Select’s new Sonny Chiba Blu-ray Collection, I aim to right that wrong. Like many people, my first exposure to Sonny Chiba was not in a Japanese film…in fact, Chiba wasn’t in the film at all. It was 1993’s True Romance, a film in which Christian Slater’s Clarence takes his muse, Alabama, to see a Sonny Chiba triple feature: The Streetfighter, Return of the Streetfighter, and Sister Streetfighter. My first glimpse of Chiba on screen was in Tarantino’s Kill Bill, playing legendary swordsmith Hattori Hanzo…but the first time I saw Kill Bill, I had no idea the influence that Chiba had on my favorite filmmaker.

For those unfamiliar, Sonny Chiba was a Japanese actor who starred in over 125 films, most of them in the crime or martial arts genres. He was prolific, sometimes filming 7 or 8 films in a year. He won numerous awards in Japan for his acting, and he’s most well known for his role as Takuma Tsurugi in the Streetfighter series. Shout Select’s collection boasts seven Sonny Chiba films - Yakuza Wolf, Yakuza Wolf 2: Extend My Condolences, Bodyguard Kiba, Bodyguard Kiba 2, Shogun’s Shadow, Samurai Reincarnation, and finally the epic Swords of Vengeance, a 160 minute long adaptation of Japan’s most epic myth, “The 47 Loyal Retainers”. I cracked it open and started with the first film in the set, Yakuza Wolf.

Like most films, I went into this completely blind without knowing what to expect. Right from the jump, you know what you’re getting into as we open on a woman’s breasts as she rides a Japanese man in bed. As they roll over, the moans of pleasure stop suddenly, and blood squirts out from the couple. As we pull back, we can see that someone shoved a sword in the man’s back, skewering both people. This is Chiba’s Himuro.

The story of Yakuza Wolf is familiar for anyone who’s seen a lot of gangster films or played any gangster-related video games. A savvy gunslinger pits two rival factions against one another for personal gain. The Kansas City Shuffle. As tropey as this sounds, you probably won’t care, because the movie is all kinds of fun. Chiba, dressed in a black brimmed hat and duster is essentially a mix of Yojimbo and Django. He’s come to settle the score with the Yakuza gangs who brutally murdered his father and sold his sister into prostitution. To do this, he starts orchestrating killings of gang members, blaming each murder on the other gang until the feud reaches an inevitable boiling point. He’s essentially the Grim Reaper, a force that cannot be stopped and cannot be reasoned with. Unlike many of his Western counterparts, Himuro has no honor - he’s simply out for blood. He’s the kind of guy who tells you you’re free to go and then shoots you in the back. The full title of this film is Yakuza Wolf: I Perform Murder, and it definitely lives up to its title.

The film is an extremely over-the-top sleazefest, a collage of never ending smut and violence, which is right up my alley. The amount of nudity surprised me a bit, a far cry from most Japanese films I’ve seen, as they tend to lean on the conservative side when it comes to the female body. In addition to the sex scenes, there’s also a few scenes of rape and attempted rape and another scene when Chiba goes to a whorehouse to rescue his sister. There are plenty of fight scenes and shootouts as well, and although they’re not as blood splattered as some of his other films, they’re still wildly entertaining. Filled with guns and swords, the camera jolts, pans, and zooms while big battles are happening, putting you right into the action, even if it does obscure the goings on a bit too much for my taste. After Himuro kills one of the bosses in a tire yard, the boss’s henchman stands over his body and laments - “Maybe I’ll be next. Maybe we deserve to die.”, a clear influence on Budd’s chat with Ellie Driver in his trailer in Kill Bill Volume 2, questioning his mortality as the Bride closes in on her deserved retribution. “Maybe she deserves her revenge. And maybe we deserve to die.”

This film wears its influences on it’s sleeve. If the comparison to Django wasn’t clear enough with Himuro’s look, it becomes much clearer later on in the film as we see him head into the climax with two mangled hands and at some point, a machine gun is hidden inside of a coffin. The film even boasts a score reminiscent of Ennio Morricone’s iconic Spaghetti Western tunes.

I had a really good time with this film, but acknowledge that it’s not going to be for everyone. If you like the sleazy, violent revenge thrillers, this is a solid choice. It’s also a great intro to Chiba for newcomers, like a mix of Japanese Charles Bronson and Bruce Lee, his contemporary that some of his other films would attempt to replicate, but with a much more brutish martial arts style. The picture looked really good, I’m not sure what the restoration was sourced from - a little online sleuthing tells me it’s probably from around 2015, but I was happy with the look on the OLED. The sound is a DTS: HD mono track which sounded good. I watched it in Japanese with English subtitles.

A Wounded Fawn (2022).

A Wounded Fawn starts out interestingly enough - after a high class art auction, a man follows a female buyer home and offers to buy it at an enormous price. She lets him in, the promise of dollar bills dancing in her eyes. But one glass of wine later, she’s dead, thanks to a brutal set of mechanical claws that the man wears on his hands. He sees a being shrouded in red light that demands the blood of others, even when he doesn’t necessarily want to spill said blood. Alas, he is powerless.

The film then switches to a woman named Meredith, played by Sarah Lind. She works at an art gallery and is excited for her first getaway with her new flame, Bruce. She’s newly divorced, looking to get laid and lay waste to the abusive relationship from her past. He shows up to pick her up, and predictably, it’s the man…the killer…from before, played by Josh Ruben. On the drive up, there are some warning signs, but Meredith powers through, probably chocking it up to nerves and the awkwardness of a budding relationship. They head up to a cabin in the middle of nowhere, ready for good wine, good food, and probably some sex. It’s this point where horror film fans know where things are going. It’s going to be a film where there’s no cell phone coverage, small hints are dropped, eventually she sees him for what he is in the last act, there’s an escape attempt, a chase, and finally, she comes out victorious as the final girl. I’m happy to say that none of that happens.

About halfway in, something happens that’s truly shocking, something I did not expect, and then the film turns into a wild fever dream that needs to be seen to be believed. It goes completely off the rails, and the film almost becomes a loose adaptation of the Persona video game series. Persona is a game in which every person has a Persona - kind of a power filled demon - that lives in our unconscious world, and the good Personas can defeat the bad Personas to manipulate their conscience in the real world. It’s truly unique, even if much of it makes no sense. At one point, Bruce offers up his explanation of why he does what he does and his inability to change, and although you won’t empathize with him, you understand it. This is the deconstruction of the serial killer, the manifestation of his need to kill. You’ll realize that both he and Meredith are wounded fawns. To say much more would rob you of the experience I had with it if you’re going to see it.

The two main actors are really good. Josh Ruben as the serial killer is a little bit too creepy at the beginning for my taste, I think he could have played the character with a bit more charm before things go completely sideways, but it didn’t take away from my enjoyment of his performance. Sarah Lind is great as the skeptical female lead, but I didn’t love her initial decision to go away with this guy to a secluded cabin this quickly into their relationship. Considering how the first time we see her, she’s in therapy because of this relationship that seemingly just ended, it’s tough to imagine someone this guarded would jump at this opportunity. I’d also argue that her friends at the museum are also to blame, as they don’t do anything to protect her, but rather enable her under the guise of ‘getting laid’. It’s got a very “12th grade” feel to the set up. The good news is that once she’s in this dumb situation, she makes smart choices, even hitting the eject button when she starts to feel too uncomfortable.

It’s tough to recommend this whole-heartedly just because of how weird it is, but it’s taking a big swing. While the film isn’t perfect - the CGi is definitely questionable and the narrative in the second half of the film is essentially incoherent, it’s certainly interesting. If you’re on the fence after the description I’ve given you, it’s probably safe to skip this one, but if you’re looking for some mind-bending oddities, give it a shot. And my final parting shot will be talking about this film’s final parting shot - it features one of the weirdest, most uncomfortable one-take scenes I’ve seen in a long time that plays out over the entire credit sequence.

Freeway (1996).

Freeway opens in a classroom, a sentence written on the board that would be easy pickings for a first grader. As the teacher tries to walk the student through reading the words ‘The cat drinks milk’, we pan over and see that this is not a first grade classroom. It’s a high school, and Vanessa Lutz, played by Reese Witherspoon, is attempting to read the sentence. Shortly after, we learn why she’s so uneducated - she’s from a truly broken home (although not even her environment can explain her odd southern accent, considering they live in San Diego). Her drug addicted mother is prostituting herself outside of the motel in which they live and her stepfather tries to molest her while he’s high inside of the motel. They’re both busted in a sex-for-sale sting, and instead of going into the foster system, Vanessa hightails it, that is until her car breaks down on the freeway. She’s picked up by a man under the guise of being helpful, and what follows is a modern, twisted adaptation of Little Red Riding Hood.

The film isn’t subtle about it’s source material, from the hand drawn opening credits sequence featuring a wolf pursuing scantily clad women, to the red basket Vanessa leaves her home with when she goes on the lamb looking for her grandmother’s house. Hell, the man who picks her up is named Bob Wolverton. If you know the story of Little Red Riding Hood, you’ll know how it’s going to end (complete with an actual utterance of “My, what big teeth you have.” during the film’s climax), but trust me - the journey will be anything but predictable. The film was written and directed by Matthew Bright, a member of the band Oingo Boingo. By his own admittance in one of the film’s special feature interviews, he explains that he sat down to write without an outline, without knowing where the film was going, and it shows.

The cover boasts both Reese Witherspoon and Kiefer Sutherland, and while Sutherland is great as Bob, this is Reese Witherspoon’s film. The character of Vanessa is such an interesting one. On one hand, she’s, as Bob calls her, a stupid “garbage person”, one of the people civilization has discarded, left to the fringes of society where you do what you can to survive. Yet it’s her animalistic will to survive that drew me in. She might not make the best decisions, but she makes definitive decisions, whether that’s smacking around a police officer or shooting someone four times to make sure they’re dead, she’s got conviction. Her dialogue is also so weird at times that I found myself sitting there just kind of smirking. Lines like, “He had this disease, called, um, Wisenheimers, I think. You know, where your brain cells run out into your pee.”, and “Well I get clausterphobic suckin’ strange dick!” are sure to make you wonder what’s going to come out of her mouth the next time she opens it. Some of her mannerisms - her courtroom scenes come to mind - are so goddamn funny. Between this film and Fear, which both came out in 1996, you can see why she became such a hot item in Hollywood. She owned this role.

Keifer Sutherland is always great as a villain, and it’s no different here. His sociopathic breakdown when he reveals that he is the film’s wolf is quite something. And his look with a prosthetic later on is extremely unsettling - I had no problem empathizing with a diner waitress stunned by his look. All of the supporting characters in the film are great as well and there are a ton of recognizable faces. Clueless alums Dan Hedaya and Brittany Murphy have small but memorable roles, and Bokeem Woodbine, Amanda Plummer, Wolfgang Bodison, Brooke Shields, and Tori from Saved by the Bell (and her real-life twin sister) are all good with limited screen time.

I had never seen this film before. When it came out in 1996, I probably figured it was a Hitcher retread and dismissed it. Other than what was on the back of the box, I knew nothing about it. IMDB lists this as a crime drama thriller, and it took me a good thirty minutes to understand that Matthew Bright was not playing it straight. This is a fucking comedy through and through. It’s a dark comedy, but it’s a comedy nonetheless, and once I embraced that aspect of the filmmaking, it was a really fun, very strange ride. Technically, there’s nothing that stands out about the movie. There was nothing impressive about the camera work. In fact, I found John Thomas’s cinematography extremely boring. I’d be hard pressed to tell you about a shot in the film that I found interesting. The music was also extremely forgettable, which is disappointing, considering Bright’s Oingo Boingo bandmate Danny Elfman composed the score.

There are a few things I need to mention before I wrap this review up. First off, fuck whoever the foley artist was for the kissing scenes. There are two scenes where Vanessa kisses her fiance Chopper and they are deep, nasty kisses - it looks like Bokeem Woodbine is trying to suck the fucking tongue out of Reese Witherspoon’s mouth, and the amplified sound effects of gross, wet mouth sounds are absolutely disgusting. It sounded like someone was squishing up tomatoes or something. Second, Vanessa is trying to get from San Diego to her grandmother’s house in Stockton, California, which is about eight or so hours north of there. I lived in Stockton for a while, probably six years in total, so when they showed the zip code as 94132, it gave me pause. That’s a San Francisco zip. A little research would have been pretty easy to do.

Minor quibbles aside, Freeway is a wild yet grounded fairytale that’s sure to entertain. At the very least, it’s worth watching for Reese Witherspoon’s dare I say iconic performance that she’ll surely never replicate. If you want to see Reese calling people ‘cunts’ and dropping hard ‘R’ n-bombs, look no further. I noticed Oliver Stone was one of the producers on the film, and when it was over, it made complete sense. This film feels like the slutty, trashy, offensive cousin to his Natural Born Killers, with a female anti-hero that’s just as violent but certainly lacks Mallory’s codependency issues. I’ve also never seen Freeway 2, a modern adaptation of Hansel and Gretel, which is also directed by Bright, and this film definitely makes me want to check that out.

Vinegar Syndrome presents this film in 4K for the first time with a new scan and restoration from the 35mm original camera negative. It looks great, and I really noticed the picture quality during the scenes featuring Reese’s red leather jacket in the beginning of the film. There are two commentaries present, both featuring writer/director Matthew Bright. One is a holdover from a DVD version of the film and the other is brand new. There are also new interviews with Bright, a producer, the editor, and actors Wolfgang Bodison, Robert Peters, and the Creel twins, as well as archival interviews with Bright, Amanda Plummer, Danny Elfman, Oliver Stone, and producer Samuel Hadida. Rounding out the special features are some raw takes, the trailer, a standard EPK thing, and some alternate scenes from the R-rated cut, which cut out a small insert of a pornographic magazine and a shot of grandma tied up near the end of the film.

The Invisible Maniac (1990).

With a Vinegar Syndrome subscription, I get a few discs hitting my doorstep every month. Sometimes, there will be a gem that I’ve never heard of, some rarity rescued from VHS obscurity for my discovery, a disc that will live on my shelf until I eventually die and pass it down to my son. The Invisible Maniac…is not one of those discs.

From the back of the box, it reads:

The film centers around a summer school physics class, which is apparently the only summer school class offered, because we never see another student in the facility. The class’s teacher died while choking on a beef sandwich, but fear not - their new physics teacher, Kevin Smith - no, not that Kevin Smith - is here to help them make the grade. Except this isn’t actually Kevin Smith, it’s a guy named Kevin Dornwinkle, a disgraced scientist who is bad at creating aliases (I kind of wished his made-up name was Kevin Worndinkle) and recently escaped from an insane asylum that he was placed in for killing four other scientists who made fun of him during a failed experiment demonstration. See, Dornwinkle was sex-shamed as a kid when his mom caught him watching his neighbor undressing with his telescope, so he leaned into science and became an incel who, with a lesser brain would simply be a modern day Call of Duty rage quitter. As luck would have it, he studied hard and developed an invisibility serum.

Obviously this kind of scientific breakthrough could be sold to the government for billions, but instead, Dornwinkle uses it to spy on women in their beds and in the showers, which is good for him because the women in this movie take showers like every fifteen minutes. Most of the film is spent watching these poor actors embarrass themselves. The women are all murdered, of course having their shirts ripped off first, and the men are all forced to fight the air like a shittier version of the bathroom fight in Liar Liar. The acting in this film is beyond atrocious, featuring several scenes that have obvious dialogue flubs that the actors just kind of power through, probably assuming the director, Adam Rifkin, would replace with a different take. Either he didn’t have another take or he just used the best takes available, the latter of which is actually pretty unbelievable. Stephanie Blake, who plays the school’s principal (and only other employee working at the school), is an especially terrible actress.

I didn’t recognize many people from the cast, so I did some digging afterwards. Debra Lamb, who plays one of the disposable females in the film, definitely needs to thank whoever wrote up her IMDB profile. It reads, “Known for portraying a variety of authority figures, Debra has worked with acclaimed directors Kathryn Bigelow, David Lynch, Paul Verhoeven, and the iconic John Hughes.” I was intrigued, as I have seen many films by those people and did not recognize her. Well, she played the uncredited extra of “Pizza Dough Juggling Girl” in Robocop, the uncredited extra of “Roller Skating Bikini Girl” in Planes Trains and Automobiles, the uncredited extra as “Fire Eater at Party” in Wild at Heart, and then the uncredited extra as “Flame Blower at Party” in Point Break. Most of the female actors are porn stars, including the notorious Savannah - credited in this film as Shannon Wilsey - in a role that would reportedly send her spiraling out of control.

Savannah was a pretty well known porn star in the 90’s, but had dreams of playing it straight in Hollywood. At the premiere for this film, every time she delivered lines, it resulted in laughs from the audience. She didn’t know if it was the character they were laughing at or her, and apparently this affected her deeply. She didn’t do many other straight acting jobs and went full bore into porn, becoming one of the original Vivid girls. Wilsey began using drugs and spending large amounts of money, and she reportedly had severe financial troubles despite her substantial income. She also garnered a reputation for arriving late to film shoots, being temperamental and acting like a diva, and sometimes getting drunk or abusing drugs during the film/video shoots. These antics eventually led to Vivid severing its association with her in 1993, and in 1994, she shot herself in the face. Some of her last IMDB credits include Summertime Boobs, Anal Secrets, Hot Holes, and Dixie Dynamite and the All-Star Tit Queens.

As the film came to a close and the credits rolled, my wife by my side, fully embarrassed by the abomination I just forced her to watch with me, there were a few lines that caught our eyes. As part of the listed crew, we’ve got credits for Invisible Research, by Steven Bing and Peter Berg. Yes, that Peter Berg, who went from decent character actor and Friday Night Lights creator to Mark Wahlberg’s personal director. I don’t know that much about Mr. Berg, but I can say with confidence his specialty isn’t invisibility, unless you’re trying to find a good review of his latest Marky Mark flop, Spenser Confidential. There was an Invisibility Coordinator, done by Creed producer Charles Winkler, two Invisibility Consultants, Dr. Brad Wyman PHD, who was a producer on films like Freeway and Barb Wire, and Dr. Benjamin Shaffer. Something tells me neither of them were doctors. There are also credits for invisible Authenticity and Invisible Supervisors. When you add in the crew credit for the “Highest Paid Member on the Set”, Fire Marshall Wayne Tanner, I think the credits were funnier than the film itself, and it sounds like Rifkin set some of his friends up with some free money for fake jobs. Rifkin would go on to direct the Charlie Sheen film The Chase and 1998’s Detroit Rock City, which is probably his biggest film.

On the good side, the film has a bunch of nice boobs and butts, someone gets killed by a Subway five-dollar foot-long, and it has an awesome theme song written specifically for the movie, but that’s about it. It’s not as fun as the premise could provide, the kills are mostly bloodless and lame, and the titular invisible maniac is more annoying than he is menacing.

Describe the Vinegar Syndrome features.

Clerks III (2022).

What you get out of Clerks III is highly dependent on your relationship with Kevin Smith movies. Watching Clerks for the first time was a very memorable experience for me. I started working at the video store around 1999, and up to that point, the films I had seen were either rented by my parents (which meant that if my mom rented it, it was the newest PG-13 blockbuster film that was in-stock and if my dad rented it, it was something starring Steven Seagal, Jean Claude Van Damme, or one of Martin Sheen’s offspring) or almost anything that came out in theaters between 1996 and 1999 because one of the guys in our group had a brother who worked at the movie theater and would let us in for free. There was a girl named Becky who I had a thing for who worked at the grocery store connected to the video store who was a few years older than me, who asked me if I had seen Clerks. Of course I hadn’t. I checked it out that night and we went to her house to watch it and I loved it. I mean, it was almost like looking at a reflection of us, her on the grocery side, me on the video side, dealing with the bizarre customers and interpersonal relationships that are retail and rental.

Shortly after, I bought the VHS tape of Clerks at Suncoast Video and watched it countless times. Once I got a DVD player, Clerks was one of the first discs I bought. When the Clerks X deluxe DVD package came out, I bought that too, and I’m pretty sure I forced my roommate and fellow list nerd Shaun to watch it, along with the multiple featurettes and commentary tracks. I loved it. I still love it. I was a View Askew nerd. Once I got Internet access (which I think was around 2000, 2001), I was on the View Askew message boards, talking shit with other fans of Kevin Smith’s films. In part, his story inspired me to want to make films. Hell, the very first thing I ever wrote, which was typed up in a word processor, was kind of a Dogma ripoff.

But at some point, I feel like I grew out of Clerks. I grew out of working at the video store. I certainly grew out of liking Becky. In 2006, I went to see Clerks II in theaters, and after the utter disaster that I felt Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was, I had low expectations. The film didn’t even muster to meet those. While I got a small amount of joy hanging out with those people again, it just didn’t do anything for me. I have never rewatched it, and honestly, I don’t have the hankering to watch my Clerks Blu-ray, which is still sitting sealed on my shelf. But one thing has remained, and that’s that I will always try to support Kevin Smith, even if, outside of Red State, his movies post-Chasing Amy have done nothing for me. I like him as a person and I think that his non-View Askew ideas have been really interesting, even if they haven’t hit the mark for me. He also really seems to value his fans, like with his roadshow tours, and he just seems like a really genuine guy who, quite frankly, inspires me.

Anyway, Clerks III came out this summer and I didn’t get a chance to see it in theaters, so I bought the 4K Steelbook from Lionsgate which looks pretty awesome. Again, low expectations going in because I thought Jay & Silent Bob Reboot was terrible. Clerks III is about Dante and Randall, still played by Brian O’Halloran and Jeff Anderson, now almost 50, still working at the Quik Stop. After Randall has a heart attack, he comes up with an idea to make a film about his life working at the Quik Stop. I realized then that this was going to be Kevin Smith exercising his feelings about his own heart attack by almost making an autobiography about the making of the original Clerks. Part biopic, part mortality examination. The heart attack scene has a surprising amount of heart woven within the ridiculous dick jokes, as we learn that the love of Dante’s life, Becky, died shortly after the events of Clerks II. Becky visits Dante several times in the film as Dante, 16 years later, is still wrestling with his grief. Most of the rest of the film is about the making of Clerks, recreating many of those scenes I’d seen so many times on that worn VHS tape, impressively bringing back even the bit actors to recreate them. Outside of a few snickers, none of the jokes really landed for me, but I’m always a bit amused by the inter-store pop-culture arguments and observations. The film is predictable, but when we got to the end of the second act and the two leads have their inevitable argument that splits them up going into the third act so we can all root for them to reconcile, there’s an absolute gut punch that kind of left me reeling, and a lot of that reeling was due to the acting of Brian O’Halloran and Jeff Anderson. When we finally get to the scene where Randall shows Dante the finished film, the amount of pain, fear, and overwhelming sadness in the eyes of both men fucking hit me. Jeff Anderson was always my favorite part of Clerks, but he is so good in this scene that I would put him up against almost any actor and I bet he would hold his own.

As Dante watches the film, we see those scenes from 1994. Not the remade scenes, but the original scenes, as Dante would have remembered them, as I remembered them. And I watched alongside him, crying like a little girl with a skinned knee. It wasn’t just that these characters weren’t going to have a Hollywood ending, or Dante having some closure, it was me realizing that I was probably never going to see these characters again. These characters who I spent so much time with during the early 00’s. These characters who other people just don’t understand like I do. Characters who are kind of a part of me, who I quote still today on a regular basis, who I used to come back to for comfort, and even after all these years, picked up right where we left off. I probably won’t remember the first two-thirds of Clerks III, but I’ll never forget the last third. It’s the rawest, most honest Kevin Smith work that I’ve seen in 25 years. Your enjoyment of Clerks III will absolutely hinge on your history with the films. If you’re coming in without having seen the other movies or just saw the films recently, you probably won’t get as much out of it…I can guarantee that Moose and my wife would hate this film. But, if you grew up with them, I hope that the bittersweet wrap-up impacts you the way that it did me. There’s a voiceover that was cut from the end of the film that explains how Randall went on to make movies until he was 90, and I hope that Kevin Smith is able to do just that, making the films he wants, with the characters he clearly loves.

As usual with Kevin Smith films, the disc is packed with extras. The disc boots with a two-minute snippet from the director thanking you for purchasing physical media, because the sales of the last film he made on Blu-ray gave Lionsgate the confidence to move forward with this film. As usual there’s a Kevin Smith commentary featuring actors Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Trever Fehrman, and Austin Zajur, nearly thirty minutes of deleted scenes, and two feature length documentaries on the disc. Those documentaries are The Clerks III documentary, which is an hour and a half and is filled with interviews and the story of how the film got made, and We’re Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today: Three Decades of Clerks which runs an hour and fifteen minutes and is more about the legacy of the series.

Showdown (1993)

The late eighties and early nineties were a boon for both martial arts films and violent school dramas, so first-time screenwriter Stuart Gibbs decided he would smash the two genres together and Showdown is what popped out.

From the back of the Blu-ray…This classic martial arts blockbuster from the director of Best of the Best features an all-star cast that includes Christine Taylor (The Wedding Singer), Patrick Kilpatrick (Death Warrant), James Lew (Best of the Best) and Brion James (Blade Runner) in the movie the proves there's not a problem in the world that a good roundhouse kick to the face can't solve.

We get a bit of a cold open as two cops go to break up a house party that’s getting out of control because two violent brothers are getting handsy and breaking bottles on people’s heads. One of the cops, played by Tae Bo’s best friend Billy Blanks, accidentally kills one of the brothers while defending himself, so he hangs up his police boots in favor of a future unknown.

We then cut to a high school, as Ken Marx is dropped off for his first day at his new school. He and his mother have moved to town because she lost her job and needed to go to where the work was…which is a little odd, considering we find out later on that she’s a waitress at a diner. He immediately feels unwelcome, as the entire school starts looking at him like he’s got a second head growing out of his shoulder. On his way into class, he dodges a couple of skateboarders, brushes past a group of burnouts wearing shirts that say ‘Kill Yourself’ while one of them is polishing a fucking handgun, and runs into Vice Principal Kowalski who asks Ken, “Do you like sex?” The inside of the school isn’t much better, it’s like an all-white version of Michelle Pfeiffer’s Dangerous Minds classroom. A guy is sharpening his pencil with a straight razor, another brandishes a bright yellow slingshot, and there’s a drawing of a face on the blackboard that says, Potatoe, bye bye Dan, which has to be some kind of inside joke between the set decorators.

It’s here that we are introduced to Ken’s eventual rivals, Tom, Rob, and Gina, a few stereotypical ne’r-do-wells who just try to be as uncouth as possible at every turn. As Ken walks in, he sits in the vacant desk behind Julie, played by the absolutely radiant Christine Taylor, and is quickly told to steer clear of her, because she’s Tom’s girlfriend and anyone who talks to her has their face rearranged by the troublemaking trio. He’s warned by our final puzzle piece, Mike, the typical oddball geek friend who knows everything about the ins and outs of the school and looks like a Goodwill clearance rack was dumped on top of him and a few articles of clothing just ended up sticking on his body. 

We almost immediately learn that Ken doesn’t follow advice because he tries to talk to Julie, so Tom and his gang touch him up a bit and tell him to stay away. Ken still doesn’t follow directions and does it again the next day, but this time he’s saved from an ass kicking by the janitor, none other than Billy Blanks! He went from cleaning up the streets to cleaning up the cafeteria, a man seemingly haunted by the fact that his fists are lethal weapons. In one final setup twist, we learn that Tom and his gang are part of a brutal karate dojo, led by Sensei Lee, who just so happens to be the surviving brother from the first scene in the film. Obviously this sets up some interesting conflicts for the rest of the film, as it appears we’ll be working toward both teacher vs. teacher and pupil vs. pupil showdowns during the climax.

Showdown is literally a Karate Kid remake, with Ken playing the role of Daniel and Billy Blanks in the Mr. Miyagi role. Kenn Scott, who plays Ken, is not a great actor. This was his first big shot at a lead role after playing ‘Talkative Foot #2’ in 1990’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and being upgraded to the role of Raphael in the sequel, ‘Secret of the Ooze’, but aside from a few B-movies after this like Star Hunter and the pretty entertaining Cynthia Rothrock film Sworn to Justice in 1996, he kind of disappeared. In my opinion, Billy Blanks has always been a terrible actor, and comes off more as an alien trying to appear like a human than an actual human being in his films, and unfortunately we don’t get to see many of his fight moves here. With all of this martial arts talent, the amount of fight scenes are pretty scant. More importantly (and more disappointing), the quality of the fight scenes are severely lacking. They feel very slow, very choreographed, and lack the impact that many martial arts films provide. The rest of the cast is serviceable - Patrick Kilpatrick chews the screen as Lee the evil Sensei, John Asher is amusing as the doofy sidekick, Christine Taylor has little to do but looks great doing it, and the fantastic character actor Brion James is kind of wasted as the Vice Principal who seems like he thinks he’s running a tight ship, but isn’t.

The Blu-ray I watched was from MVD and the picture looks pretty good, all things considered. There’s considerable print grain which comes through in the dark moments, particularly those in Billy’s basement janitor hangout spot, but it was never distracting. The audio is great as well, with two separate mixes, a 5.1 and a 2.0. In terms of special features, it’s actually pretty packed for a film like this. There’s a feature length making-of documentary that clocks in at over an hour and a half, plus a featurette detailing the fight choreography that runs just over 45 minutes. There are also a few interviews and a small poster in the case.

In terms of a recommendation, it’s kind of a tough sell. The most amusing things are happening in the background. The underground fighting crowd full of soccer moms by day, carnage fans by night, pumping their fists full of wagered money into the sky as teenagers slowly trade sweep kicks. The house party extras, half dressed like they just left prom, the other half dressed like they just left the set of Saved by the Bell. And the school, oh the school. There are so many funny things happening in the background at the school, like a guy making out with a girl while covering her with his trenchcoat, a kid randomly running around snapping photos, kids (including the main characters) who are clearly 25-30 year olds posing as students, and ADR’d teacher lines throw in in passing like, “Put away that knife!” and “No guns in class please.” For martial arts films fans though, there just isn’t enough fighting to make this seem worthwhile, and the fighting that is present feels slow and sloppy.

Villains (2019).

Read from the back of the box…

Dan Berk and Bobby Olsen wrote and directed this film that falls into the “bad people meet worse people” subgenre.

The film opens with Mickey and Jules, two fairly inoffensive lowlifes, robbing a convenience store. They don’t hurt anyone, don’t really cause much damage outside of tossing a chip rack to the ground, and get away scott free. It seems the love birds ultimate goal is to get to Florida, and somehow this small score was the last remaining key to that dream. But there’s one big problem…they didn’t get gas, and the car comes to a rolling stop in the middle of the woods. Luckily for them, there’s a house close by with a car in the garage, so the plan becomes simple - break into the home, snag the keys, and drive to the Sunshine State.

As the pair searches for the keys, we see that the home is fairly boring and severely outdated, there’s certainly nothing worth stealing. Hell, you’d probably need two people to abscond with the 1980’s tube TV sitting in the corner. They do, however, find something interesting in the basement…a little girl, chained to a radiator. And then the owners come home. George and Gloria, an older couple that you’d never look twice at brushing past them at the grocery store. What transpires is a game of cat and mouse as Mickey and Jules try to get out of the house and George and Gloria try to figure out what to do with their uninvited guests.

The small cast is really fantastic. Bill Skarsgaard and Maika Munroe have incredible chemistry together, easily sliding into the same category as Bonnie and Clyde, Clarence and Alabama, and Mickey and Mallory, who were clearly an influence on this couple. The Tarantino influence is literally worn on Mickey’s sleeve, as there’s a tattoo of Stuntman Mike, and I’m sure that the name Jules wasn’t coincidental. Skarsgaard bounces around with a distinctive gait, bringing a subdued level of physical comedy to the role. Maika Munroe continues to move her way up my top final girls list and this role only helps bolster my unending crush on her that started back with 2016’s It Follows. Amazing character actors Jeffrey Donovan (Burn Notice) and Kyra Sedgewick (The Closer) are sufficiently sweet and creepy as the mysterious homeowners. Everyone in the cast gets their time to shine, whether it’s George dressing the couple down while on the couch using his traveling sales experience or Gloria seducing Mickey donned in full burlesque.

Villains is a breezy, enjoyable dark comedy, but there’s one real thing that holds it back and that’s that the film didn’t go far enough. The setup is a great start to gripping possibilities, but ultimately it plays things pretty safely versus letting things go off the rails completely. There’s a moment in the film centering around a tongue piercing and I thought to myself, “Okay, this is where things are going to take a turn!”, but the moment never really escalated like it could (or should) have. Gloria has some serious mental issues that aren’t really explored past a fleeting explanation regarding fertility and the girl who’s chained up seems like less of a mystery than the film wants you to believe.

When Villains wraps up, there are two characters that are physically unscathed, and in my opinion that was a real opportunity. With the cast and setting, this had the potential to become a bonafide cult classic, but instead feels relegated to a film that I’ll probably forget I saw in a few years while browsing on Netflix.

The Blu-ray was released by Gunpowder and Sky and looks beautiful, not a surprise considering it’s from just a few years ago. There are two different commentaries by the directors, one that was recorded in 2019 and another that was recorded specifically for this release in 2022. I do wish that there was a different perspective on one of the tracks, maybe with some of the actors or other crew members, because listening to the 2022 one, there aren’t many big revelations and there’s some dead air at times. The guys don’t sound super excited to be there. There are also a series of quick interviews with the actors, typical press kit type of stuff - “What did you like about the script, how did you like working with this actor”, etc. Nothing mind blowing but it’s always fun to look at Bill Skarsgaard and Maika Munroe. There’s a video essay on criminal couples in film featuring past Force Five guest Samm Deighan, a timelapse video for Jeffrey Donovan’s makeup application for a scene in the climax of the film, and finally a few deleted scenes with optional commentary from the directors.

So that’s Villains. Have you heard of it? Have you seen it? If you have, what did you think? Let me know in the comments and let’s talk movies. Thanks again for supporting, and I’ll talk to you soon.

Sick (2023).

I have to admit, I had pretty low expectations for Sick, which may have been a little unfair of me. As you probably know, I stay pretty spoiler free for the most part - I don’t watch trailers, and rarely read descriptions, so when I saw this pop up and saw that COVID was going to be a big part of the plot line, I immediately thought it was going to be some kind of contagion zombie film, and that it was not.

The film starts in the midst of the pandemic, in of April 2020. States are in lockdown, toilet paper is scarce, and tempers are high. We’re following a college student named Tyler through the store as he slowly picks over what’s left in the grocery store. He gets a text…it’s from an unknown number. At first they’re playful, but soon they’re creepy, like “Nice ass.” and Tyler leaves the store in a huff…but when he gets home, someone is waiting for him.

We then cut to Parker and Miri, two girls looking to quarantine in style. School is canceled, so the two hightail it to Parker’s luxurious cabin in the middle of nowhere, and well…you know how these movies go. They’re not the only two there, kicking off a cat and mouse game with brutal implications. Why is someone trying to kill these women, and will Parker and Miri make it out alive?

Home invasion thrillers are a dime a dozen but I knew a few minutes in that this was different than the typical lower budget, late 90’s style slashers. Halfway through, I remember thinking, “This is like the beginning of Scream, but the whole movie and done through text.” Side note, I really like the way text messages show up on screen in this - it’s not clumsy, it’s clean, it’s well done. So, much like Ghostface, this isn’t your unstoppable force kind of villain. It’s not Michael Myers who can walk through gunshots and stabbings. This person is brutal, yet kind of a klutz, and in the first kill attempt, we see that, because there’s a struggle. And it was during that struggle that I started noticing how well the action was shot. It was kinetic, with a sense of voyeurism but not to the point of sickness like in the later Bourne films or Tony Scott’s later movies. The camera movements made sense. Later on during these fight scenes, I felt the same way. They were electric, and when the film was over, I realized why. This is directed by John Hyams, Peter Hyams son and director of the last two Universal Soldier films. And remember that Scream observation? Turns out it was written by Kevin Williamson, which explains both my connection to that series and the odd pop culture stuff sprinkled throughout. Had I known they were involved with this beforehand, I’d have probably been more excited to see it. One of the pitfalls of trying to go into films knowing as little as possible.

The gore in the film is well done and there are some pretty gruesome kills. This film is easy to watch, it’s currently streaming on Peacock. Go and check it out, I think that, even with the dumb motivation of the person with the knife, you’ll still have a good time. Okay, I can’t get critical without talking about that last piece, so if you haven’t seen Sick, go check it out, I really do recommend it. From this point on, if you continue listening, there will be spoilers, so that’s on you. Again, I’m about to spoil the motivation for the goings on in Sick.

After Parker kills the intruder in particularly gruesome fashion, we find out that there’s another one. So she runs from the new killer and eventually makes her way out to the main road, where she sees a car coming down the road. She flags it down, but the woman inside is refusing her entry because she doesn’t have a mask. It’s obviously played for laughs - I watched the trailer afterward and it’s used as a glimpse into masking absurdism, but the moment feels a bit out of place in the film. Eventually she exclaims, “Oh, I’ve got an extra one!” which happens to be sealed in a plastic bag. Parker puts the mask on, and GUESS WHAT? It’s got chloroform on it, because this lady is in on the whole thing. First off, this makes no sense at all that the woman would have put a mask into a bag with chloroform on it and sealed it up to look like it just came from a fresh box, because WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT? It’s a script weakness manufactured for this moment and this moment only.

Anyway, we find out that the person Parker murdered was the son of this family, and now she has to deal with the mother and father. The reason they’re killing people is because the college students broke quarantine and had a party, and someone got COVID which eventually led to their other son getting COVID who died. Now that’s both pretty fucking far fetched motivation for one person, but for a whole family? You’re telling me that the mother, dad, and surviving son just decided to become murderous lunatics based on a flimsy link chain of possible COVID spreading college kids? Frankly speaking, it’s a really dumb driving force for the villains here. It also doesn’t make sense that this family that’s grieving hard enough to become savage beasts would be texting the kids the way they are, like the “Nice ass.” text to Tyler at the beginning of the film. It’s cartoonish, and while there are funny bits in most horror films, this isn’t a dark comedy - it’s a straight up slasher film.

All that stupidity aside, I had a really fun time with the film. It’s never ‘scary’, but it’s definitely thrilling as the two girls have to evade the killers through (and around) the home relentlessly for the last two-thirds of the film. It’s simple and brutal, and I like that. By the way, the home that they’re in, is awesome. It’s this very expensive looking log mansion in the middle of nowhere, filled with large glass windows and intricate wooden details throughout. The direction is extremely well done, and there are fun little easter eggs here and there to look out for; one of the kid’s cell phones has Casey Becker’s ringtone (Drew Barrymore in Scream), there’s a scary story told by one of the main characters that’s also told in the slasher episode of Dawson’s Creek, and the murderous parents names are Pamela and Jason, obvious nods to Friday the 13th. I’m sure there are more that I didn’t catch upon my first viewing, but I’ll be looking for them the second time around.

Have you seen Sick? Did you like it, did you hate it? Do you agree with me, or are you wrong? Let me know in the comments.

Project Wolf Hunting (2023).

My…god.

Okay, Project Wolf Hunting starts out akin to a water-locked Con Air. The Philippines and South Korea have worked out a deal to extradite criminals and there are a bunch of them that are heading back home for their proper punishment. A cargo ship is essentially emptied out in order to transport the goons, locked two to a room in shackles. There are plenty of guards on board, a police captain, two doctors, and a handful of crew members. As the ship leaves port, a special unit of police take over the boat’s communication center in order to monitor the ship. All seems secure.

Once the boat is out to sea, we realize a few things. First, these criminals really are the worst of the worst, and we know it’s only a matter of time before they get loose. It’s the name of the game. Second, there are some people on the boat who aren’t who they say they are. Finally, as bad as the criminals are, there’s something on the boat that’s even worse than them.

As the criminals are freed, we get our first taste of bloodshed in this film, and let me tell you - it is explosive violence. We see a guy get hit in the head and blood just starts spraying, and the blood really doesn’t stop until the credits roll. I’m talking cartoonish levels of violence to the point that by the end of the film, you’re kind of desensitized. This could be the bloodiest film I’ve ever seen. Limbs are ripped off, jaws dislocated, I lost count of how many throats were slashed and geysers of blood created. A man gets his head caved in with his own arm. Another has his head slowly crushed under the weight of a foot. It’s a ballet of gore. Look, I think by this time in my review, you’re either in or you’re out based on that description alone.

There are some twists and turns throughout the film as certain parties are revealed to have less than noble intentions, but the whole boat ride is such a spectacle that I found myself unattached to the characters. Good thing, too, because there aren’t many survivors when the film is over. The people who I thought would be the main good guy and bad guy were dead before the halfway point, so I guess if nothing else, the film will keep you on your toes. On the flip side, pretty much passenger, chivalrous or evil, is a one-dimensional object. There are no relationships formed, no backstories (with the exception of one guy, who happens to be the least charismatic person on the boat), and little to no personality, save for one terrible prisoner who’s only personality trait is “let me see how bad I can appear”. If you’re looking for rich, multi-layered characters, this isn’t that film.

Side note: the police in this film are so inept that at times, I was wondering if the person who set the boat ride up put the worst officers on the ship on purpose so that mayhem would eventually break loose. These guys are quite possibly the worst law enforcement officers I’ve ever seen in a film. There’s a scene where they’re in the boiler room with a high-point tactical advantage on the criminals, and instead of using it, they walk down the stairs and then get into hand-to-hand combat instead of using their guns because…movie?

In closing, this is an ultra-violent siege-film-turned-monster-movie where things continuously go from bad to worse. It’s so bloody that it almost gave me gore fatigue, but I can’t help but admire the commitment by writer/director Kim Hong-sun because he never lets off the gas. The monster, Alpha, is memorable - he’s got a great look, but unfortunately he’s also got very few rules, turning less powerful depending on who he’s fighting and he takes his time with those characters who have had more screen time. You know the trope - “oh, this is a main character, so I’ll throw him over a table or two before I try to kill him as opposed to the NPC I just ripped the throat from.” This is an easy recommendation for those people who love gory cinema, and it would be a blast to see with a crowd.

Running on Empty (1988).

Read Blu-ray

Running on Empty is an unconventional family drama, a subgenre that I normally don’t gravitate towards. I was unfamiliar with this one, it’s not one we had on the video store shelves, but I saw it at Amoeba and decided to pick this up on a whim because it starred River Phoenix.

It’s a film about the Pope family. Annie and Arthur, the parents, blew up a napalm factory in the early 70’s as part of a far-left militant organization to protest the war. The lab was supposed to be empty, but a janitor who was inside at the time was left paralyzed and blind, so the FBI has been hunting the couple ever since. At the time, their son Danny was two. While on the run, they had another child, Harry. The two kids have only known a life on the lamb, switching towns and schools when they start to feel the heat, and using a network of like-minded activists to get dental work and other necessary care while pillaging the lost and found buckets at businesses in order to snag things like gloves and hats. They’re used to leaving everything behind. In the first scene of the film, they need to ditch their home and they leave the family dog behind, saying, “He’ll be fine. He’ll find a home.” It seems like something that would tear the kids up, especially 10-year-old Harry…but he’s oddly okay with it. He’s used to it. The family works as a unit, and it’s worked well; it’s kept the parents out of prison for fifteen years…but as Danny starts to desire his own life - one with teenage normalities like a girlfriend and the possibility of college, things start to get a little messy.

As the film started, I saw that it was directed by Sidney Lumet, and I knew that I was in good hands, but make no mistake about it - this was the River Phoenix show. He plays Danny, the good looking, whip smart kid who’s adapted his father’s fortress mentality - he does everything he can to blend into the background, never bringing attention to himself. In his spare time, he practices the piano on a non-functioning practice board, the one thing he totes with him from town to town. This role earned him a Best Supporting Actor nod at the Oscars, for his pained, extremely vulnerable performance. When his music teacher takes a very supportive interest in him, he meets his daughter Lorna who goes to the same school, opening up the door to secrets that you know will eventually rear their ugly head. Both Judd Hirsch and Christine Lahti are amazing as the parents, and this is where the real dramatic tension happens…but it’s not overt, it’s simply the pair realizing that as long as they’ve been on the run, working odd jobs to survive and support their family, a time they dreaded is finally here. There’s a scene in which Arthur is reading the paper when Danny walks in late at night. He’s not in trouble, he just sits down to talk. At the end of a very short conversation, he asks Danny, “Are you sleeping with her?” Danny simply replies, “Yes.” And Arthur just says, “Alright, head on up to bed.” But the “Shit…” look you see in his eyes tells us all we need to know. Christine Lahti simply owns the last fifteen minutes of the film with emotional moments with her son and her father. That well hidden angst turns more explosive later on when he finds out Danny took a Juiliard audition.

The film is extremely well directed and subtle. The filmmaking doesn’t get in the way, it just lets us observe the rich characters. I’ve seen in reviews online that the film feels a bit long, and that’s true, but at the same time I think it’s important, because we start to get comfortable, as the characters do in their new lives…and when it’s time to drop everything and leave, it’s as jarring for us as it is for them. But make no mistake, while the filmmaking might not be flashy, it’s incredibly calculated and extremely powerful. If you need proof of this, there’s a scene in which Danny invites Lorna over for his mother’s birthday dinner. Everything goes well, and after cutting the cake, they all dance in the kitchen together to James Taylor’s Fire and Rain, but subtly, naturally, Danny and Lorna start slowly dancing together, migrating away from the rest of the family who’s oblivious to the divide between them. There’s an invisible line in the middle of that kitchen, telling us that from this point, things can never go back to the way they were. It was a scene so beautifully done that I’m not ashamed to say I teared up…and it wouldn’t be the last time that happened while watching Running on Empty. It’s not a film with surprises…you know what’s going to happen - Danny is going to go his own way - but you don’t know how. Will the parents end up in jail? Will Danny rebel and stay behind, or will his parents be the ones to leave him behind like the family dog they eschewed at the beginning of the film?

This was a Warner Archive disc and, unfortunately has no special features. It does look and sound good. The Blu-ray picture is the result of a new scan from Warner’s Motion Picture Imaging facility at 2K using an interpositive struck from the camera negative. An original answer print made on Eastman LPP low fade stock was used as a reference for color-correction, followed by cleanup for dirt, damage and wear. Although there’s not much other than the film to see here, it’s worth it for the film alone. If you’re into family dramas or just want to be reminded of we lost when River Phoenix died so young, you should pick this up.

Bone (1972).

Larry Cohen is a writer and director best known for his horror and sci-fi exploitation pictures - The Stuff, It’s Alive, God Told Me To, the Maniac Cop series, to name a few. And people familiar with the seedier side of 70’s films probably also know that he kind of began as a voice in the Blaxploitation community with Black Caesar and Hell Up in Harlem in 1973. But Cohen’s directorial debut is not as widely seen, a very dark surrealist comedy called Bone from 1972.

Bone starts with an older white couple, Bernadette and Bill, bickering in their backyard by the pool. They’ve got the biggest, most expensive house on the block. Bill dives into the pool and pops out, exclaiming that there’s a rat caught in the filter. Neither of them really want to deal with picking up a rat, but…not to worry, because Bone shows up (Yaphet Kotto). Bone grabs the rat and tosses it into the bushes, and then reveals that he’s not there as an exterminator, but rather to rob them.

He takes them into the house and demands money, and this is where the cracks in this upper class lifestyle start to show. There is no money in the house, and it turns out that Bill and Bernadette have less money than they have let on. Bill’s auto business isn’t doing the numbers it used to. As Bone tosses papers and files out in Bill’s office, we learn that he’s also involved in some shady business practices and has taken out a life insurance policy on Bernadette. Being held hostage, all they can do is bicker. The first indication that this is a wildly inappropriate dark comedy comes when Bone says something like, “Well, I was going to rape her, but it seems like you guys got enough going on.” After careful consideration, Bone decides he needs to leave with something…and with no money in the house, he sends Bill to the bank to draw out money. If he’s not back within an hour, he’s going to rape and kill Bernadette. This is where the film goes into places you didn’t think it would. As Bill gets to the bank, he’s about to take his money out, and decides against it. He strikes up a conversation with a woman in line to purchase new checks, and just hangs out with her for the afternoon. Over at the house, Bone decides to rape Bernadette and then decides against it at the last minute. Instead of being grateful, Bernadette is offended, and questions Bone as to why he won’t fuck her. The last third of the film is Bernadette and Bone going out to look for her husband to find out why he didn’t come back.

Littered in are surreal visions and flashbacks for all three people involved. When the film is over, you’ll wonder…was any of it real? At one point, some of the characters are on a crowded bus, and then the next minute, there’s no one there. Did Bone even exist?

Obviously the film is a big swing, a satirical mess that doesn’t quite nail what I think it’s going for, which is a condemnation of the fraudulent white lifestyle that often blames minorities for their issues. "it deals with problems we still face today in America. The film is revolutionary because it cuts to the heart of racial prejudice. And some of that is indeed sexual, where the white man has a fear of the black man’s sexuality. It’s a thorn in the side of the white community. They’re still afraid of black people. In many cities white people will cross the street when they see black people coming." But while the film didn’t 100% work for me, I will say that Yaphet Kotto was amazing as the titular character. Kotto is an actor you’ve seen before, probably in smaller roles. Alien, Brubaker, The Running Man, and Midnight Run are all memorable performances, but I don’t think I’d ever seen him lead a film. You’re never going to like Bone…in fact, you’ll probably despise all three people in here, but he’s really interesting playing this kind of apparition that seems to inhabit all of the fragile white fears going on at the time. All three actors were great, but Kotto stands out as the strongest link. Joyce Van Patten plays Bernadette in a really risky, shocking role. The scorned, bored housewife who eventually tries to seduce her captor. In a particularly uncomfortable scene, he explains how he can’t get it up without beating his victims, and she tries to arouse him anyway. Bill, played by Andrew Duggan, is quietly seething to the point that you never know when he’s going to explode. His visions give us a bit of insight into his macabre mind, giving you a sense that he only thinks about cars, about making money. The film starts with an ad for his car dealership, each car occupied by a dead, bloody body. Later on he envisions himself making love to a car. Eat your heart out, Titane.

If you’re interested in seeing Bone, it’s only ever been released on DVD. The DVD is pretty good, featuring a decent transfer, a commentary by Larry Cohen and frequent collaborator Bill Lustig, an interview with Jack Harris where he details the difficulty of distributing the film in 1972, and some 16mm black and white scenes from an initial attempt to film the picture with a different actress cast as Bernadette. You can pick that up used on Amazon for around $11, but if you don’t want to wait or don’t care about extras, there’s a pretty decent rip up on YouTube.

Read some reviews from YouTube

Cocaine Bear (2023).

I got a very testy email from someone last week after my end of the year show. The email reads, “Didn’t even need to listen to the full end of the year episode to know you have no taste in film, but hearing that you thought Banshees of Inishirin was boring just confirms it. Stick to Michael Bay films and dreck like Cocaine Bear and leave the intellectual films to the rest of us.”

So…uh…on to this week’s featured review of Cocaine Bear.

Cocaine Bear is based on a true story…but that’s stretching the definition of “true story” a lot. We’re talking like one rung above Fargo here. So what actually happened started with a guy named Andrew Thornton. He was a paratrooper for the army in the 60’s and then he was a police officer who ended up earning a law degree and became a member of the Kentucky Drug Enforcement Administration. Now, who knows where things went wrong for this dude, but something about the lifestyle he was working to prosecute enticed him, because he left the legal life to begin work as a smuggler of both weapons and drugs.

In late 1985, while on a smuggling run from Columbia, he and a buddy started chucking bags of cocaine into the Chattahoochee National Forest, and I’m guessing the plan was to retrieve them later, which seems kind of silly without trackers, but maybe I’d just be a really bad drug smuggler. Anyway, he jumped out of the plane with a duffle bag full of coke on him, got caught in his chute somehow, and smashed dead in the driveway of a guy in Knoxville, Tennessee with Gucci loafers, a bullet proof vest (should have worn a fall proof vest), and about 15 million dollars in cocaine and $4,500 cash on him. Now, back in Chattahoochee forest, a black bear found a bag of that cocaine and ate it, dying from an overdose almost instantly.

This film is like a reimagining of the second half of that story. What if the bear ate the cocaine, but instead of dying, got real savage and developed both a thirst for blood and an addiction to the stuff. Now, based on the meme title alone, you should probably know if you’re going to have fun with this or not. This is obviously not high art, and was made with a total ‘Snakes on a Plane’ vibe. The film cuts between various characters in outfits that say, “LOOK, it’s 1985!” as they both dodge the bear and, in some cases, each other. The ‘heart’ of the film, if you can call it that, is the story of a mother who’s daughter and her friend have gone missing in the forest. Then there’s the comic relief story, which features a park ranger, a nature guide who she fawns over, and some thugs who just kind of hang out in the park. And finally, there’s a group of criminals who are out to retrieve the cocaine and the law enforcement agent who’s trying to apprehend them. As expected, sometimes these stories converge, but it’s pretty inconsequential.

The movie has a real great cast of character actors, starting with an Americans reunion. Keri Russell plays the mom who’s daughter is missing, the always amazing Margot Martindale plays the park ranger (who really steals the show, she’s great in this), and Matthew Rhys plays the guy who drops the coke and dies in the driveway in a blink and you’ll miss it role for him. We also get a mini-Modern Family reunion of sorts, as Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Mitch) is in the film, directed by Elizabeth Banks, who was a character in Modern Family as well. Alden Ehrenreich, O’Shea Jackson Jr., and Ray Liotta in his last on-screen role play the guys trying to get the cocaine back and Isiah Whitlock Jr. (Clay Davis from The Wire) plays the guy trying to arrest them. It’s a really solid cast.

As for the film as a whole, it was…fine. The good first - the film starts with an obvious nod to Wet Hot American Summer, which got a pop from me. The film is pretty gory for a mainstream non-horror B-movie, complete with holes in heads, limbs getting ripped off, and an absolutely killer sequence where the bear is chasing a loaded ambulance down the mountain. That sequence is a very fun sequence, but in terms of fun, the film kind of peaks there. Unfortunately the film is not as funny as it could have been with some better writing, aside from Margo Martindale. The ending also felt rushed and lacked a satisfying climax. The editing was also quite bizarre, and there’s no better way to highlight this than by mentioning “the hiker”. There’s a hiker that shows up a few times during the film, and there’s an odd, obviously ADR’d moment when a group of people is headed towards the bear’s cave, and someone says, “We know what this bear can do, remember that hiker we saw back there?” and then it kind of flashes back to them walking by a face with the skin ripped off, and then it just jumps back to the present. It felt like a skit from Family Guy and was REALLY odd. I mean, it was so quick and jarring that I’m not even sure it’s that same hiker I’m referring to, but I can only assume it was since we don’t see him again in the film. Since then, Elizabeth Banks has said that his death was filmed, but was excised because it was either too gory and mean-spirited, so maybe it’ll be on the Blu-ray. Either way, it was super weird.

Anyway, something that someone wrote online made me think a bit - they wrote, “Is the success of cocaine bear bad for everyone? Sure, it is “original.” but it’s like a sketch from snl stretched to feature length, and a movie that is based on a goofy story…I don’t know man. Audiences are terrible, and the lesson Hollywood will pay itself on the back for with this isn’t “less remakes and existing IP” but maybe more “if our title is joke, maybe we won’t have to spend money on marketing. and if our title explains the premise, maybe we don’t need to spend a lot of time on writing on development.”

Sidekicks (1992).

Read from box

Sidekicks is one of those films that I had always wanted to see when I was little, but never got to rent. When I was at my mom’s, she would rent us films more targeted towards an even younger audience, since when it hit rental shelves, my brother was around 8 or 9, and when I was at my dad’s, he was already renting stuff like Under Siege and Van Damme films to watch, so this one kind of got left in no-kid’s land.

The story is about a kid named Barry (Jonathan Brandis) who reminded me a lot of myself back then, except certainly not as dreamy as Jonathan Brandis. A dorky kid who really wanted to participate in sports, but was limited because of asthma. So I immersed myself in comic books and art. Barry constantly daydreams about being sidekicks with Chuck Norris in his various adventures - as a ninja, as a commando, even as a western gunslinger. This is getting Barry in trouble at school, so his dad (Beau Bridges) takes him to a karate dojo to sign up for lessons. They picked the wrong dojo. The sensei at the dojo is a guy named Kelly Stone (Joe Piscopo), a decorated karate douche who dresses the kid down and worst of all, insults his hero by saying he’d kick Chuck Norris’s ass.

After Barry starts getting into it with a school bully named Randy (who, of course, happens to be a disciple of Kelly Stone) after hitting on Lauren, a girl they both like, his teacher hooks him up with her uncle, Mr. Lee, an old man who runs a local Chinese restaurant who also happens to know martial arts. Through training montages, Mr. Lee gets Barry ready for a big karate tournament, which will put every member of the team to the test, including a surprise entrant.

This is old school, corny fun. It’s got a couple of things going for it. First, the daydreams are actually really well done, they’re action packed while not being too violent, because they are, afterall, being imagined by a young kid. As new people enter Barry’s life, they become part of the daydreams. For example, once he meets Kelly Stone, he’s all of a sudden the villain in his imagination, leading to some culturally insensitive moments that I still find really funny. They’re also very goofy, like when Chuck Norris and Barry are standing side-by-side in a jungle river, just pumping rounds out of chain guns, but no one is really getting shot and they’re instead getting blasted into trees in their underwear. It’s very inoffensive fun aimed at the correct audience. It’s essentially a mashup between Karate Kid and Last Action Hero.

Jonathan Brandis does well in the role, although it’s hard to take a kid that good looking as some nerd that no one would want to talk to and everyone laughs at. And when I say everyone, I mean it. Although it’s not far-fetched to think about kids at school being dickheads, it was a little jarring that the audience at a respected karate tournament would turn on the kid for no reason. As an actor, Brandis’s story was a sad one. I remember him being a real ‘it’ kid after starring in this and then being cast on the Spielberg produced Seaquest. I never had any interest in watching that show but you couldn’t avoid the ads. The kid was everywhere, from magazine covers to posters on girls walls. Yet, after Seaquest was canceled, his career never really went anywhere. Battling depression when his role in the 2003 flop Hart’s War was severely cut, he killed himself at age 27. Beau Bridges is really great as his father, a man who works a bit much but genuinely wants to be a good, supportive father. It’s a 90’s kid movie, so of course Barry’s mom is dead, but there’s a romance thread between his dad and teacher, so dad’s going to be alright. The late, great Mako plays Mr. Lee, a charismatic trickster who teaches Barry karate and how to feel heroic on his own, and the always charming Danica McKellar, Winnie on The Wonder Years, plays Barry’s love interest. Jonathan Brandis guest starred on an episode of The Wonder Years a year prior. And of course Joe Piscopo is just hamming it up as Kelly Stone, a man happy to wear the heel chip on his sleeve as he takes cheap shots at his opponents and derides his students in public. Finally, Chuck Norris is here as Chuck Norris - once you’ve seen one Chuck performance, you’ve seen them all.

This film was set in Houston and was produced by Houston’s Gallery Furniture legend, Mattress Mack. If you don’t know the Mattress Mack story, there are documentaries about the guy, but in short he’s a rags to riches personality that made his fortune in the Houston furniture scene because of his energetic ads. Eventually, he got Chuck Norris to star in some of those ads, always ending with “…saves you money!”. It’s also directed by Chuck Norris’s brother, Aaron Norris, who directed a bunch of lower budget stupid Norris films back in the day, like Forest Warrior, in which he plays a shape-shifting mountain man who teams up with kids to stop evil lumberjacks, and Top Dog, a 1995 film that sees Chuck Norris and a big shaggy dog taking on the klu-klux-klan.

Not only did Vinegar Syndrome release this, they released it in a deluxe 4K package, which comes with both Blu-ray and 4K UHD discs. I watched the 4K on my Sony OLED and it looked great, although a little noisy in the darks. The packaging on this thing is amazing, with a big 4K magnet clasp box with a slipcovered disc inside and a 40 page book featuring essays and other fun stuff. On the discs, we’ve got two commentary tracks - one featuring the director Aaron Norris and the other featuring Joe Begos (director of Christmas Bloody Christmas), which is a fun, unexpected addition. There are also over two hours worth of interviews with producers and other people who worked on the film, as well as the original trailer and a 1992 promo reel.

Side note. When I watch films like this, I often think about how I would remake it today. Storylines, actors, etc. When I think about films like this being made in 1992, there were a bevy of actors to choose from. With actors like JCVD, Arnold, Sly, and even Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris even seems like kind of a third stringer for his era. But the thing is, if this were to be made today and a kid was infatuated with an action hero, who would it be? The Rock is the closest that comes to mind, and he’s not even really an action star like he could be. Vin Diesel? An Avenger?

The 7th Voyage of Sinbad (1958).

The character of Sinbad is a fictional mariner and the hero of a story-cycle of Middle Eastern origin. He is described as hailing from Baghdad during the early Abbasid Caliphate (8th and 9th centuries A.D.) and in the course of seven voyages throughout the seas east of Africa and south of Asia, he has fantastic adventures in magical realms, encountering monsters and witnessing supernatural phenomena. The stories display the folk and themes present in works of that time. The Abbasid reign was known as a period of great economic and social growth. Arab and Muslim traders would seek new trading routes and people to trade with. This process of growth is reflected in the Sinbad tales. The Sinbad stories take on a variety of different themes and have Sinbad going up against various fantastical creatures, like a giant whale he mistakes for an island in the first voyage, and giant snakes that are described as able to swallow elephants in the second.

The earliest separate publication of the Sinbad tales in English found in the British Library is an adaptation as The Adventures of Houran Banow, etc. (Taken from the Arabian Nights, being the third and fourth voyages of Sinbad the Sailor.), around 1770. An early US edition, The seven voyages of Sinbad the sailor. And The story of Aladdin; or, The wonderful lamp, was published in Philadelphia in 1794. Numerous popular editions followed in the early 19th century, including a chapbook edition by Thomas Tegg. Its best known full translation was perhaps as tale 120 in Volume 6 of Sir Richard Burton's 1885 translation of The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night.

Obviously stories like these would be easy pickings for adventure films, and over the years there have been dozens of Sinbad films, both live-action and animated. The first appearance of Sinbad on screen was in the animated short film Sinbad the Sailor in 1935, which saw Sinbad and his parrot taking on a band of nefarious pirates. The first live-action English language film was Arabian Nights in 1942, but because of the limitations of film then, the monsters that Sinbad normally encountered were not present in the film. Enter, Ray Harryhausen.

You’re probably aware of who Ray Harryhausen is, and if you’re not, you’ve definitely seen his creations somewhere. He was an Academy Award winning stop-motion animator who worked on films from Mighty Joe Young (1949) to Clash of the Titans (1981), and influenced many of the filmmakers you know and love today, including Steven Spielberg, Peter Jackson, Tim Burton, George Lucas, and Guillermo Del Toro. Told that “costume pictures were dead” in the mid-50’s, he shopped his idea around anyway, calling his brand of stop motion animation Dynamation, and got Columbia pictures to finance The 7th Voyage of Sinbad.

The film opens with Sinbad sailing from Chandra to his home city of Baghdad to introduce his future wife, the Princess of Chandra, in order to secure peace between their lands. They make an unscheduled pit stop at an island called Colossa, where they encounter a giant cyclops and a magician named Sokurah, who’s fleeing from the beast while holding a magic lamp. After a short standoff, they flee the island with the help of Sokurah and his lamp, but in the commotion, the cyclops snags the lamp and keeps it on the island.

Once in Baghdad, the magician asks the King for a ship and a crew to sail back to the island to get the lamp, but is denied, so he pulls a fast one on the royal family and casts a spell on the Princess, shrinking her to about four inches tall. The only way to turn her back to normal, of course, is with potion ingredients that are only found on the island of Colossa, including the egg shell of a roc, a mythical two headed bird. Adding an extra wrinkle to the journey, no respectable sailors want to head to an island with a dangerous cyclops, so Sinbad gets a gang of prisoners who were set to be hanged to be his crew, a move that jeopardizes the entire trip. The story has less to do with the seventh voyage story, which sees Sinbad hanging with people who transform into birds and is later sold into slavery, and seems like more of a blend of the third and fifth voyages.

Long time Columbia contract actor Kerwin Matthews played Sinbad, and he was honestly the most boring character in the film. He’s a typical wonder bread hero, chivalrous to a fault, not a chink in his armor. This is a far cry from how the tales would sometimes portray Sinbad, as in the fourth voyage, Sinbad finds himself on an island with a wealthy wife, but doesn’t realize that their custom is that when one spouse dies, the other person is dropped into a giant cavern tomb with just some water and seven slices of bread until they’re also dead. Well, he survives by waiting for other unlucky spouses to drop down after their better halves also died and then busting them over the head until they were dead and stealing their rations. What a great guy. Kathryn Grant played Princess Parisa, a largely one-dimensional damsel in distress who gets a few moments to shine while in her shrunken form. She was probably best known for this film and for her role in Anatomy of a Murder two years later, as well as being Bing Crosby’s wife. Rounding out the main cast is Torin Thatcher, a British actor who made a career out of playing scene stealing villains and this role was no different. He was absolutely the best actor in the film and definitely the most interesting character.

The real spectacle here, of course, is the Dynamation. Nathan Juran directed most of the live action sequences with no creatures, while Harryhausen is said to have directed the sequences with the creatures. It makes sense, since he’d be the one doing the post production on the claymation animation later on. It’s truly a wonder how they did what they did here in 1958, which emanates a clear aura of genuine movie magic. It was so much fun trying to figure out the intricacies of having men throw a spear at a giant cyclops, dodge the flames from a dragon’s mouth, and Sinbad having a full-blown sword fight with a walking skeleton. Even the scenes where he interacts with his miniature muse were impressive, moreso when you realize that they actually built a gigantic 40 foot tall pillow for her to stand in front of to deliver dialogue on a soundstage which was then superimposed on top of the other image. I also got an abnormal amount of joy in watching Princess Parisa slide down into the magic lamp to meet the genie as if it were a slide at a park, complete with a “Weeeee!” as she begins her descent.

Much to Columbia’s surprise, the film was a sleeper hit. It was released the week of Christmas in 1958 to cash-in on the holiday, but ended up making over three million dollars on a $650,000 budget, which equates to about $32M now. Critics also dug the film, noting it’s special effects and nostalgic feeling. Harryhausen made two more Sinbad films for Columbia pictures, The Golden Voyage of Sinbad in 1973 with John Phillip Law as Sinbad and Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger in 1977 with Patrick Wayne portraying the sailor, and producer Edward Small liked the financial return so much that he brought Kerwin Matthews and Torin Thatcher back together for a different stop motion adventure picture titled Jack the Giant Slayer a few years later in 1962.

There are probably a lot of people who love the nostalgic feel of this film, and probably have memories of watching this on Turner Classic Movies with their dad or grandpa on a Sunday afternoon. I never had those memories, but watching it with fresh eyes really made me yearn for creative practical effects in a current film landscape of constant digital effects. In most cases our brains are smart enough to tell us that both are “fake”, but there’s something that’s more impressive about things done practically. The 7th Voyage of Sinbad has something for everyone - tender romance, swashbuckling sword fights, creative creatures, treasure hunting, and an upbeat, adventurous score from frequent Hitchcock collaborator Bernard Herrmann. If you’re looking for a spirited, straightforward adventure film, this certainly punches that ticket.

As for where you can watch it, it’s available on Tubi to watch for free, but of course I had to pick up the Blu-ray which I snagged for $10 at Rasputin Records. It’s actually got a pretty decent slate of extras here which Sony is normally pretty good with, including a Ray Harryhausen interview where he talks about convincing someone to make the movie, the intricacies of filming in Spain, the casting decisions, and of course, the process of creating and animating the creatures. There’s also a commentary track with Harryhausen and some other folks, a retrospective on Harryhausen’s work as told through interviews, and a feature on the score as well that’s 26 minutes long. All told, there’s over an hour of extras not counting the commentary. If you’re in the UK, Indicator put out a superior disc that retains all of these extras and adds even more, including a music promo, a birthday tribute to Ray Harryhausen, Super 8 versions of the film, and a new featurette titled The Secrets of Sinbad.

How to Start a Podcast.

I’ve been up and running for close to three years now, so I thought I’d share some of the knowledge I’ve gained with regards to starting…and continuing…my podcast.

Starting a podcast can be a fun and rewarding way to share your ideas and interests with the world (or at least with anyone who will listen). But before you get started, there are a few things you'll need to do to get your show up and running.

1. Get a title, and more importantly, a topic.

First, you'll need to come up with a snappy title for your podcast. Something like "The Daily Rant" is probably taken, whereas "Chit Chat with Chad" might not be. Do research first, you don’t want something similar to someone you’ll be competing with. Get original. Next, you'll want to choose a topic that you're passionate about and that you think will be of interest to your listeners. This could be anything from sports to pop culture to the history of cheese graters. I’ve found that the more granular you are, the better. A ‘general sports talk’ podcast probably won’t get you very far, whereas focusing on a certain team or niche will gain a greater audience in a shorter amount of time.

2. Get some equipment (but don’t break the bank).

When it comes time to record your podcast, you'll want to make sure you have the right equipment. This should include a microphone, headphones, and a recording software like Audacity or Adobe Audition. And don't forget to have some snacks on hand in case you get the munchies mid-recording. Just kidding, don’t eat snacks while recording, your listeners will never come back. If you’re just starting out, don’t worry about buying fancy equipment. There are serviceable microphones for under $50. Just use something better than your laptop microphone. Audio quality matters, and at first, it’s one of the most important factors other than the quality of your content.

For more about microphones, check out this link.

3. Create an RSS feed and record.

Once you've settled on a topic, it's time to get down to business. You'll need to create an RSS feed for your podcast so that people can easily subscribe and receive new episodes as they are released. Certain recording subscriptions make this easy. Anchor, for example, is a free service you can use. There are a ton, like Buzzsprout, Spreaker, etc. Do some research on the service that works for you. I host my RSS feed on my website, so that I can manage it more closely.

Plan out your content in advance, whether that means writing a script, creating an outline, or simply jotting down some notes, and accept that you’ll mess up. Your first few episodes will probably sound rough and unnatural. That’ll change over time. Your format may even change because of your ideas and maybe even listener feedback. That’s all part of the process.

4. Promote, promote, promote.

Once your podcast is up and running, it's time to promote it to attract listeners. You can use social media platforms like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram to share your podcast and engage with your audience. You can also reach out to other podcasters and websites to see if they would be interested in featuring your podcast or collaborating with you. If you have a niche subject, link up with other folks in the same arena to join forces.

5. Schedule.

And finally, to keep your listeners coming back for more, be sure to consistently produce new episodes of your podcast. This might mean setting a schedule for yourself and sticking to it, or simply recording new episodes as you have time. Whatever approach you choose, just remember to keep things light and fun (and don't forget the snacks).

I hope some of this helped as a starting point. You can always reach out to me at forcefivepodcast@gmail.com if you want specifics or recommendations!

Selecting the Right Podcasting Microphone.

Podcasting is a popular way for people to share their thoughts, experiences, and ideas with a large audience. One of the most important tools for a successful podcast is a high-quality microphone. In this article, we will go over some tips for finding the best podcasting microphone, including the importance of a quiet room, the differences between condenser microphones and dynamic microphones, and the benefits of using an amplifier.

A quiet space.

First and foremost, it is essential to find a quiet room to record your podcast in. Background noise can be distracting and make it difficult for listeners to concentrate on what you are saying. A quiet room will also ensure that your microphone is picking up only your voice, rather than any ambient noise. There are several ways to dampen sound in a room that has echo - try putting a blanket on the wall in front of you to start. Furniture and rugs in rooms are good, they help absorb echo. If you have a budget, try using foam squares to absorb sound.

Condenser Microphones vs. Dynamic Microphones.

When it comes to microphones, there are two main types to consider: condenser microphones and dynamic microphones. Condenser microphones are known for their superior clarity and detail, making them a popular choice for podcasting. However, they are more sensitive to background noise.

Dynamic microphones, on the other hand, are more durable and resistant to feedback. They do not require a power source and are a good choice for recording in loud environments. However, they may not produce the same level of clarity as a condenser microphone.

There are several key differences between condenser microphones and dynamic microphones, and understanding these differences can help you to choose the right microphone for your podcasting needs.

One of the main differences between these two types of microphones is their construction. Condenser microphones typically have a thin, lightweight diaphragm that is suspended in front of a metal plate, while dynamic microphones have a thicker diaphragm that is attached to a coil of wire. This difference in construction results in several other differences between the two types of microphones.

Another significant difference is that condenser microphones are generally more sensitive than dynamic microphones. This means that they are better at picking up subtle details in sound, such as the nuances of a person's voice. However, this sensitivity can also make them more prone to picking up background noise and other unwanted sounds.

Dynamic microphones, on the other hand, are less sensitive than condenser microphones and are better at rejecting background noise. They are also generally more durable and able to withstand higher sound pressure levels, making them a good choice for recording louder sources such as electric guitars or drums.

Another difference between the two types of microphones is their power requirements. Condenser microphones often require an external power source, such as a battery or an external phantom power supply, to operate. Dynamic microphones, on the other hand, do not require any external power and can be used with just a simple XLR cable or USB cable.

Amplifiers and software.

Another factor to consider when choosing a microphone is the use of an amplifier. An amplifier can help boost the signal of your microphone, making it easier for listeners to hear your voice clearly. It can also help to improve the overall quality of your recording. If you’re just starting out, you can probably get by without one.

Software and editing will also help your podcast get better sound quality. Audacity is a free tool that you can use to cancel out unwanted noise, normalize loudness, and make other audio tweaks with.

Wrap up.

In conclusion, finding the best podcasting microphone is important for a successful podcast. A quiet room, high-quality microphone, and the use of an amplifier can all contribute to producing a professional and enjoyable listening experience for your audience. Do your research and choose the microphone and setup that best fits your needs and budget.

As Good As It Gets (1997).

As Good As It Gets is a film that I never had any interest in seeing, for a few reasons. First, it always seemed like a movie that my mom would really like, a theory later proven to me when I started working at Lucky’s Video Store and continuously rented this tape almost exclusively to middle-aged women. My mind just kind of blended this, About Schmidt, and Something’s Gotta Give together over the years because they all felt the same. Second, the cast list, as talented as they may be, did nothing for me. I know it might be blasphemous to say for some, but I’ve never been a huge Jack Nicholson fan. Sure, he’s been in some amazing movies, but he’s just not a draw for me. I’ve also never loved Helen Hunt outside of Twister, and I couldn’t name any of the countless romantic comedies I know Greg Kinnear has starred in.

The film is about the intersection of the lives of three very complicated people living in New York City. Jack Nicholson plays Melvin, a racist, homophobic, generally unpleasant author with crippling OCD. Helen Hunt plays Carol, a burnt out mother who spends every second outside of her job as a waitress caring for her son who has a respiratory issue. Finally, Greg Kinnear plays Simon Bishop, a gay artist who happens to be Melvin’s neighbor. After Simon is viciously attacked in his house by Randy and Billy Loomis from Scream, a domino effect unceremoniously brings the three together.

Cutting to the chase, this is a film that I liked but didn’t love, mostly because of a story deal breaker, which I’ll get to in a second. When it was over, I had the same feeling that I get from most PT Anderson movies - I thought the actors were all really great and I thought the characters were well realized and complicated, but the story arcs never really gripped me like I hoped they would. Jack Nicholson was utterly convincing as this blatant, socially inept jerk who seemingly wrote multi-layered females in his books but if you met him, you’d wonder how. In the first scene in the film, you know everything you need to about his character, as he dumps Simon’s dog down their apartment building trash chute, dresses Simon down with gay jokes, makes racist remarks in the hall, and then gives us a sample of his OCD by locking each lock five times, using multiple soap bars during one hand wash, and other frightfully inconvenient tics. It was a quick way to get right into the character - he was easily unlikeable. Helen Hunt was also really great as this perpetually exhausted waitress at a New York diner, the only waitress willing to wait on Melvin. We realize shortly after that a problem like Melvin is small change compared to what she’s dealing with at home. When her face lights up with really small victories in her life, like her son scoring a goal in soccer, it seemed really genuine. And Greg Kinnear was really terrific as a man who nearly loses it all, the pain in his eyes during the beginning of his journey was heartbreakingly realistic.

When Simon is beat up, his partner, played by Cuba Gooding Jr., saddles a reluctant Melvin with the task of keeping an eye on his dog, Verdell, which starts to build towards a triangle of friendship. There are some nice moments along the way - Melvin becoming surprisingly attached to the dog is a standout thread, but it’s mostly a pretty safe, stakeless story. The thing that really didn’t work for me was the romantic angle between Melvin and Carol, for a few reasons. First off, Nicholson is like 25 years older than Helen Hunt, and that’s not a small age gap. I didn’t feel any real spark between them, so the angle almost seemed like she felt obligated to initiate a romantic gesture because of the kindness he showed her son. It also felt like they were just completely wrong for each other, a relationship that, when the cameras stopped rolling, I couldn’t see lasting for more than six weeks, tops. And I’m not sure if the writers were trying to tell us that the real cure for OCD is love, but that’s kind of how it felt. I think the film would have been a heck of a lot stronger if the crux of the film was watching these three people become the unlikeliest of friends, because with Simon in the mix, it could have been really easily done. His relationships with both Melvin and Carol were far more interesting than that of the romantic leads.

The film was a smash hit, becoming Jack Nicholson’s second highest grossing film of his career, behind Batman. It raked in $148 million at the box office and it was a film with legs - it was never higher than number three, opening the same week as Titanic and the awful James Bond film Tomorrow Never Dies, but it hung around in theaters for a long time. It also had a field day at the Oscars, garnering seven nominations with all three leads nominated and saw Nicholson and Hunt take home statues. It was even nominated for Best Picture alongside The Full Monty, LA Confidential, Good Will Hunting, and the winner, Titanic. Roger Ebert gave the film three stars, and agreed with me about the parts being greater than the sum, although he put it much more elequently. He wrote, “This film creates memorable people, but is not quite willing to follow them down unconventional paths. It's almost painful, watching the screenplay stretch and contort these characters to fit them somehow into a conventional formula--they're dragged toward the happy ending, screaming and kicking all the way. If the movie had been either more or less ambitious, it might have been more successful. Less ambitious, and it would have been a sitcom crowd-pleaser, in which a grumpy Scrooge allows his heart to melt. More ambitious, and it would have touched on the underlying irony of this lonely man's bitter life. But "As Good as It Gets" is a compromise, a film that forces a smile onto material that doesn't wear one easily.” Ebert was Ebert for a reason.

There’s a lot to like here. Like I said, the characters are really fleshed out and well acted and most of the dialogue is really well written. You’ll probably find yourself laughing at the outlandish insults Melvin spends most of his days spouting off at people. You won’t be laughing because they’re playful or actually funny, you’ll be laughing out of discomfort because they’re so abrasive and clearly meant to cut deep, but you’ll also probably assume that, even though things seem happily ever after as they walk into a bakery at four in the morning, he verbally assaulted the person making his bagel because Melvin never appears to change, he just seems to get better at giving compliments.

In addition to the VHS copies I used to rent to enthusiastic women, As Good As It Gets has been on disc a few times. The 1998 release on DVD, released the same day as the VHS tape, featured a commentary with all three main actors, the director James L. Brooks, producer Lawrence Mark, composer Hans Zimmer, and editor Richard Marks. When Twilight Time released the Blu-ray in 2012, they did not port over the commentary, included the trailer as the only extra, and limited the release to just 3000 copies. Most recently, Finally, the film has been given a 4K release, but it’s only available as part of the Columbia Classics Volume III 4K UHD box set. Thankfully, the audio commentary has returned for this release and they’ve also added deleted scenes, the original ending, behind the scenes footage, a featurette, and an electronic press kit thing.